


Angel Eyes

by odeon



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-24 12:39:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6154002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odeon/pseuds/odeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jazzy Modern Setting AU. "I try to think that love's not around / But it's uncomfortably near..." While temping at Dannie's jazz club Therese meets a former lounge/torch song singer who is contemplating a comeback... I wonder who she turns out to be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Make It Another Old-Fashioned, Please

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GiJo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiJo/gifts).



> Hi everybody! I'm not sure where or how far this will take me but I'll give it a shot... (btw, Carol's maiden name was inspired by Phyllis Nagy's tweet answer!) Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> While reading you may like to listen to these:
> 
> Blossom Dearie: I Walk a Little Faster  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5xA0ZFmd2yXypcW4mrIqE1
> 
> Julie London: Make It Another Old-Fashioned, Please  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5St45iyMYLheSbCtfUCj9X
> 
> Ella Fitzgerald: Angel Eyes  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/33PUEg5tRX6CN1a0kKDpF9
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

“Will you wrap everything up if I take off now? Gotta meet Alice in half an hour, we’re catching the late night show”. Dannie was yawning, and the dark rings around his eyes were showing. “Sure thing, but how’re you gonna stay awake if you’re already so wiped out?” Therese smirked at her friend knowingly. “I bet Alice’s less than thrilled to have you fall asleep over her…”

The young man pulled himself together and cast a sly glance at Therese. “Give a guy a break, for crying out loud! I’ll be a reborn Romeo once I get outta here.” Dannie grabbed his jacket and started towards the back door. After a couple of steps he stopped and turned to Therese. “You know it wouldn’t hurt you to meet other people as well…” He ducked just in time to miss the towel Therese flung at him behind the bar counter. “Okay, okay – I’m going… don’t forget to make tonight’s deposit.” “When have I ever!?” Therese laughed as Dannie disappeared out of sight shrugging his broad shoulders.

The bar room was somewhat quiet with only a couple of tables occupied. There was the usual crowd – students drinking heavily with no qualms about tomorrow – enjoying the lazy atmosphere of the downtown jazz club on a week night. The larger back room reserved for Friday and Saturday gigs was closed as always. Therese loved these shifts more than the busy weekend ones. They gave her the opportunity to fall deep in her own thoughts while listening to old standards playing on the background. Dannie liked to tease her about them preferring Thelonious Monk and Charlie Parker himself. It was all good natured, though. _Dannie’s a softie, after all_ , occurred to her suddenly. Nevertheless she was now happy to have the bar all to herself for she was feeling unusually mellow putting on Blossom Dearie whose soft voice soon filled the smoky space with its own inimitable, subtle fragrance:

_Up Madison, down Park, every day and often after dark_

_Pretending that we’ll meet_

_Each time I turn a corner, I walk a little faster_

_Pretending life is sweet_

_‘Cause love’s around the corner, I walk a little faster…_

 

Absent-mindedly she went about drying shot glasses, not really thinking of anything in particular.

 

_Can’t begin to see my future shine as yet_

_No sign as yet, you’re mine as yet_

_Rushing toward a face I can’t define as yet_

_Keep bumping into walls taking lots of falls_

 

What a queer, lovely voice, she thought to herself. Like a lonely cloud dispersing up above, spreading its airy feels over the quiet, solemn sky.

 

_But even though I meet at each and every corner_

_With nothing but disaster_

_I set my chin a little higher, hope a little longer_

_Build a little stronger castle in the air_

_And thinking you’ll be there, I walk a little faster…_

 

She let out an inaudible sigh and focused her eyes on her clientele. Soon she’d have to go and ask the guys in the back table to escort their very inebriated friend home. She couldn’t have him pass out on the spot.

The last call came and went. Therese couldn’t help but smile at the last ones leaving, stumbling on the bar tables on their way out. One guy who introduced himself as Tommy made a point of apologizing for his friends’ clumsiness promising to “make it up to the lovely lady behind the counter”. He was every bit of a gentleman despite his somewhat intoxicated slurring. “Yeah, yeah” she replied ushering them out kindly yet determinedly. It was nothing she hadn’t heard thousands of times before, but as long as it was good-natured, she was alright with it. Richard, her on and off boyfriend, hardly agreed. He thought it unfitting for her to work late nights all by herself. “Who knows what kind of weirdos turn up, it’s not safe, that’s all I’m sayin’.” But it wasn’t, and Therese was irritated by his apparent jealousy masking as concern for her well-being.

She had already locked the front door when she heard someone knocking on it hurriedly. Therese felt uncomfortable, and thought about ignoring it altogether when she heard a woman’s voice. “Hello, anyone in there..?” She returned to the door and took a peak through the peephole. A dark haired woman grinned at her mischievously.

“Are you gonna let me in or what? I know it’s late but I need to get a hold of the proprietor first thing tomorrow morning.” Therese turned the key and proceeded to unlatch the door. Before she knew it the brunette made her way to the warmth of the abandoned bar. She was shivering under her heavy coat, seemingly bothered by the cold night air.

“Well, who does one have to sleep here with to get a stiff drink?” The woman took away her scarf releasing a flood of auburn hair. She smiled good-naturedly at Therese who was shifting her weight from one foot to another. “Name’s Gerhard, Abigail Gerhard – but my friends call me Abby.” She extended her hand to Therese. “Therese Belivet. Nice to meet you.” Abby sat down on one of the bar stools and sighed of sheer contentment. “Oh, pleasure’s all mine. I thought I wouldn’t make it in time.” _Well, you didn’t_ , Therese thought somewhat begrudgingly and longed for the privacy of her warm, comfy bed.

“Are you any good? Mixing cocktails, I mean?” Abby took a puff of her cigarette and watched Therese as she moved behind the counter. Something about Therese seemed to amuse her a great deal.

“No complaints so far.” Therese wasn’t going to stand there blushing like a school girl. She knew her business. “Name your poison.” Abby rolled her eyes appreciatively. “I’ll have an Old-Fashioned, please.” Therese muddled the sugar with bitters and water rotating the glass to line it with the grainy sweetness. She poured the rye in and pushed the glass towards the unexpected latecomer.

“Will you now tell me your business? It’s getting late and I’m really not supposed to linger here any longer.” She knew she sounded impatient. The woman took a sip of her drink and pulled out a business card. Her whole demeanor changed as if the mere handing of the card had transformed her into something completely different.

“My apologies for keeping you here at this hour,” her voice sounded _very_ professional, “but my previous attempts to get a hold of the owner of this establishment have been somewhat frustrating. You know, your website’s a mess as far as the contact information is concerned.”

 _Don’t I know it._ Therese had repeatedly pointed it out to Dannie who didn’t seem to care one way or the other. “Word of mouth, you know. I’m an old school kinda guy!” he explained his obvious shortcomings as a web master.

“Any way, I have a client who is thinking about making a comeback and would like to try out some new material in front of an audience. I hear you have a lively crowd here on your club nights, so I was thinking maybe this could be a suitable venue for her.” While listening to the woman Therese took a quick look at the card: _Abigail Gerhard, Kiss of Fire Talent Agency_.

“Well, I’m not the owner but I’ll be happy to pass along any message to him.” Therese couldn’t help but smile at the engraved card and it didn’t go unnoticed. The familiar grin had returned to Abby’s face.

“She’s not a newcomer. Like I said this could be her comeback. As a matter of fact, I’m sure of it. Maybe you’ve heard of her? I have some material with me which might be of interest to you and your boss.” Abby reached down to her hand bag and lifted out a CD. “Although you are such a young nymph you may have missed her previous heyday…” She winked at Therese who felt her cheeks redden all of a sudden.

“You were right, you do mix a mean cocktail. I’ll look forward to sampling more of those in the future. Toodle-loo!” Abby Gerhard made her exit as swiftly as she had come in leaving Therese dumbfounded with the CD in her hand.

She flipped the CD to look at its front side. There was no cover art, just the artist’s name written on the burned disc. _Carolyn Ross_. Therese lit a cigarette and put the disc on. A sultry, husky voice spread all over the room lighting up even the darkest corners with its irresistible charm:

 

_I try to think that love's not around_

_But it's uncomfortably near_

_My old heart ain't gaining no ground_

_Because my angel eyes ain't here_

_Angel eyes, that old devil sent_

_They glow unbearably bright_

_Need I say that my love's misspent_

_Misspent with angel eyes tonight_

 

_So drink up all you people_

_Order anything you see_

_Have fun you happy people_

_The laughs and the jokes are on me_

 

_Pardon me but I got to run_

_The fact's uncommonly clear_

_Got to find who's now number one_

_And why my angel eyes ain't here_

_Oh, where is my angel eyes_

 

_Excuse me while I disappear_

_Angel eyes, angel eyes…_


	2. Out of Nowhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the second part already. I'm eager to see where this'll lead me. 
> 
> If you're in the mood for a soundtrack, check these out:
> 
> Arthur Rubinstein: Nocturnes, Op. 9: No. 2 in E-Flat Major (Frédéric Chopin)  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4G8x0lpxuJ8upWvSntxIZs
> 
> Margaret Whiting: Guilty  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5c5C56YAQA2Xd4utugjEW2
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!
> 
> Blossom Dearie: They Say It’s Spring  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0Gb98vV1mTekDNnUgeeQ6x
> 
> Patti Page: Out of Nowhere  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0w7Mrks9FfnT2dBSUeGudh

"What the fuck, Therese? Did you run off with last night's cash or what?" Dannie's voice thundered over the phone. Therese had answered her cell still half asleep, and it took a moment for her to register her friend's upset.

"Jesus Christ, Dannie, I'm so sorry! I forgot to make the deposit... I have the money right here in my rucksack, it just totally slipped my mind." Forgetting about money meant skating on thin ice as far as her job was concerned but she couldn't lie to Dannie, couldn't make up some fancy excuse why she had decided to keep the cash with her overnight.

"Belivet, you'll be the end of me, you hear? This is the fourth time I tried to call this morning. If you hadn't picked up, I don't know what I'd have done next. Called the neighborhood hospitals, I guess. And morgues..." Dannie was peeved but she could tell he was relieved as well.

"Oh fuck!" She exclaimed. "What's the matter now?" Dannie sounded agitated again. "I've overslept and I'll be terribly late from my piano lesson with the Dragon Lady... I'll swing by the bar during lunch hour and bring back your precious dough. Bye!"

She was a mess, there was no denying that. After getting home Therese had fallen asleep in her arm chair fully dressed and with headphones still on. The cord had tangled over her face leaving a curved imprint on her cheeks. Even the earlobes felt all tingly and sore. _It's too late to take a shower, so a change of shirt will have to do_. She frowned at her smoke infused blouse and replaced it with a fresh one. The face in the mirror, however, didn't look quite as fresh. _Oh, to hell with it!_ She was out of the door in a matter of seconds.

Professor Robichek watched her behind her austere looking horn rimmed glasses. She was not happy. Therese was late and such things were simply not tolerated, not with the Dragon Lady. Therese could have tickled those ivories like Arthur Rubinstein himself, but she wouldn't have given her the time of day.

"Therese dear, I really expect you to take this more seriously. Punctuality is not an empty virtue. You as an aspiring musician should be well aware of that. You do your homework, you show up on time and you may just get to keep your scholarship." Depressed, Therese bowed her head. She’d been practicing diligently, she’d made progress, and she was usually never late. “Yes ma’am, you’re absolutely right, ma’am.” There was no point in fighting this, she knew, even though her momentary lapse was now being blown out of proportion.

The late nights had their toll, Therese acknowledged gloomily while gathering her things after the lesson. She needed her eight hours of sleep, but she also needed the money. Sighing she picked up the Chopin Nocturnes and put them in her rucksack. Her thoughts wandered back to the previous night and the elation she had felt while listening to the unfamiliar female voice. She had never heard anything quite like it though she knew her jazz as well as the classics. How could something, _someone_ , like that have avoided her attention?

“Yo, Dannie!” Therese smiled sheepishly at her friend who sat behind the office desk trying to make sense of the never ending paper work. “Yo to yourself, Terry.” She could tell he was in a better mood although absorbed in his daily routines. “Here’s the money. I’m really, really sorry. Didn’t mean to cause you a heart attack.” She handed out the thick pouch containing last night’s balance. “Thirsty customers, good…” Dannie nodded approvingly. “I think it’s safe to say we’ll live another month.” He was pleased, humming a tune Therese couldn’t quite recognize.

“Something strange happened last night,” she started apprehensively. “A woman came by with a business proposition.” Dannie’s interest was immediately intrigued. “Yeah? How did that happen?” Therese told him about the unexpected visitor and gave Dannie the business card. She spoke nonchalantly, focusing on the facts rather than her own musings of the surprise meeting.

“Abigail Gerhard! She’s a tough nut to crack.” A broad, mischievous smile lighted Dannie’s face as he spoke. “Been around this business for a long time now. A real ace, if you ask me. She’s had quite a number of class acts up on her sleeve over the years.” He sounded positively thrilled. “What’s she up to now? Some young song bird on the threshold of stardom, I presume? A Diana Krall wannabe?” Therese felt a lump in her throat not really knowing why. “No, nothing like that. Someone making a comeback – Carolyn Ross.” Reluctantly she handed out the CD she had listened to repeatedly all night.

Dannie stared at her looking positively flabbergasted. “Well, I’ll be damned if I ever thought I’d see this day coming! Carolyn Ross, of all people…” Therese was irritated as if she was being withheld some vital information. _Who the hell was this Carolyn Ross and how come Dannie seemed to know so much about her?_ Her impatience was showing, and Dannie was relishing the moment. When it came to music, it wasn’t often he had the upper hand, so he made the most of it now. “She was huge for a moment. Larger than life, really. What a voice, what a looker! Everyone thought she’d be there for the long run, I mean the stars were aligned her way, that’s for sure.” He had a dreamy, faraway look in his eyes.

“What happened?” Therese couldn’t wait for him to snap out his reverie. “Oh, it’s the same old story… she got married to this Wall Street hot shot, Hargess Foster Aird – friggin’ Charles Foster Kane more like it! – and that was that. No more records, no more gigs.” Therese grinned at his Citizen Kane reference – it was always about movies with Dannie. “They had this big jet set wedding covered by all the tabloids. But oh, she was some swinging lady – as a matter of fact, Phil once said she swung both ways which was the reason she got married in the first place!” Dannie chuckled at his own joke. “Of course it was just a silly rumor… you know Phil, my big brother, the jerk record producer. He was just learning the ropes at the time Miss Ross disappeared from the scene.”

Dannie looked at the CD and Therese could tell his mind had gone on overdrive. “I’m relatively sure I have some of her recordings here… will you go and check it out while I slip this on?” Therese rushed to the CD shelves and started scanning the alphabetized rows with her fingers. _Reeves, Rivers, Ronstadt, Ross… Carolyn!_ She picked the disc up only to discover that someone had ripped off the cover sleeve. On the back side there was only an elegant silhouette of a woman leaning against a grand piano. The name of the record was _Guilty_.

“Someone’s taken the cover,” she complained trying not to sound too upset. “Whoever did it I don’t blame him! You could just drown in those eyes of hers…” The goofy dreaminess returned to Dannie’s face only to be replaced by a fresh astonishment after the first bars of Angel Eyes. “My god, this is new stuff!” He practically leapt out of his chair. “Her voice… where’s the business card, where did I put the bloody card?” Therese beamed at his excitement. Her heart was beating fast as she slipped the newfound CD in her jacket pocket.

Dannie made an appointment to meet with Abby Gerhard and the elusive Miss Ross for the next afternoon. As always, Therese spent three hours practicing on the bar’s Steinway trying desperately to put Carolyn Ross out of her mind. _For now, at least_. She had to concentrate, after all. She thought about Blossom Dearie instead, how she had had the opportunity to meet her couple of years ago when she was still performing in the back room of an obscure seafood restaurant. She hadn’t been just a pretty voice, she’d been a skilled pianist as well, and had had the stamina to charm her audience till the end.

Therese tried out a few chords. _Oh, what’s the harm in it, Dannie’ll get a kick out of it anyway_. She started singing in her quiet, unassuming voice:

 _When I was young I lived in a world of dreams_  
_Of moods and myths and illusionary schemes_  
_Though now I'm much more grown up_  
_I fear that I must own up_  
_To the fact that I'm in doubt of_  
_What the modern cynics shout of_  
  
_They say it's spring_  
_This feeling light as a feather_  
_They say this thing_  
_This magic we share together_  
_Came with the weather too_  
  
She was no singer, she knew that very well, but right now it didn’t seem to matter at all.

 _They say it's May_  
_That's made me daft as a daisy_  
_It's May, they say_  
_That gave the whole world this crazy_  
_Heavenly, hazy hue_  
  
_I'm a lark_  
_On the wing_  
_I'm the spark of a firefly's fling_  
  
_Yet to me_  
_This must be_  
_Something more than a seasonal thing_  
  
“You sound positively perky.” Dannie was all smiles. “I am, actually.” Therese replied somewhat coyly. She felt happy with no apparent reason which both puzzled and energized her tremendously. Of course it had everything to do with tomorrow, she was no dummy.

 

* * *

  
Next morning Therese woke up with a sense of excitement. Her dreams had been haunted by a silhouette woman crooning softly into a microphone. She had spent the better part of the previous evening surfing the internet for Carolyn Ross. Richard had come by to see if she’d like to catch a dinner and a movie but she’d said no. After he had left, sulking and morose, she had returned to her Google search activities. Not a single photo anywhere – oh there were plenty of Abby Gerhard escorting her newest discoveries to music industry functions but nothing on the singer she was dying to feast her eyes upon.

At two o’clock the wait was nearly over. Dannie had asked her to be present since she’d been the one to make the connection in the first place. Therese had been more than happy to oblige, it had saved her the embarrassment of asking to be allowed to join this get-together.

At quarter past three she heard Dannie opening the back door. If the doorbell had rung she hadn’t registered it, most likely it hadn’t. Dannie had been nervously pacing the floor since half past two, and Therese had thought better to take her business elsewhere. Suddenly her hands were shaking, her long fingers cold and numb. A shiver went through her, a shiver of something quite inexplicable, and she braced herself for whatever was in store for her in the other room. _This is it_. She glanced at the mirror. She was quite presentable.

“Well, hello again!” Abby’s cheerful voice carried over the bar room floor. “This is the charming maiden I told you about.” Miss Gerhard was approaching her with another woman right behind her. For a moment Therese could only see a cloud of elegant mink fur, then a vision of an exquisite blonde head emerging from Abby’s shadow. Once Therese saw her immaculate features she could not look away. Their eyes met, and Therese felt as if a sphere out of nowhere had impaled her right there and then leaving her breathless and bleeding. Bleeding joy, happiness and sudden fulfillment of wishes not yet articulated let alone acknowledged.

The woman was in her early forties, she estimated, and she was beyond lovely, _beyond_ _this earth_. She felt light-headed, on the verge of fainting. _I’m in awe of you_ , she wanted to utter yet knew better to remain silent, to let her speak first.

“Carol Aird.” The woman smiled warmly quirking her left eyebrow just a little. “Carolyn Ross is my maiden name,” she added extending her gloved hand to Therese. “Pleasure to meet you.” Though Therese was melting inside she tried desperately to maintain her composure. “Therese Belivet. The pleasure’s all mine.”


	3. You Do Something To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thanks for your lovely comments, they keep me going :) Here's the playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Lena Horne: You Do Something To Me  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1XzDnWnx6Whf4yFc2ylmxF
> 
> Ella Fitgerald: Them There Eyes  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/3zJewWNi3s8AUyd9KI6CSN
> 
> Eartha Kitt: Mink, Schmink  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1AbhiAD6tU2NgDQjTkeKO
> 
> Jo Stafford: Some Enchanted Evening  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0xB8zbWKO61EKTb7A3CUpL
> 
> Doris Day: It's Magic  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2jMtsvZTUCSFqfqp3Vqrz8
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

"Can I get you any drinks? Therese, make sure the ladies' refreshments are to their liking. I'll grab us a couple of chairs so we can all get comfortable." Dannie was filled with nervous energy. Therese felt as if caught red-handed although the only things resembling red at the very moment were her cheeks.

"What would you like?" She directed her words to Mrs. Aird who was removing her gloves and placing her elegant, slender hands on top of them. The red nail polish looked freshly applied, impeccable. "Mrs. Aird?" The blonde woman raised her gray eyes to meet Therese's gaze. "Please, call me Carol." _Carol_. Therese smiled as if she'd been given an unexpected gift. "And I would very much like to have a very dry martini. With an olive."

Right. A martini. The easiest and the most difficult cocktail that ever existed. The divine concoction of gin and vermouth that separated true artists from mere bar room hacks. _Right. No pressure whatsoever._ Why didn't she pick a sidecar? Her sidecars were famous, or at least they ought to be.

"Make mine with two olives. I didn't have a chance to eat a decent lunch," added Abby letting her eyes wander from Therese to Carol and back as if she were watching a game of tennis.

"That would be a Franklin then, after Roosevelt's taste in martinis", quipped Dannie who seemed to be busy rearranging the entire room.

"Oh, let's keep it in the family instead. Make mine an Eleanor," retorted Abby looking knowingly at Carol who raised an eyebrow at the somewhat improper remark. "Manners, Abby darling, mind your manners," she tutted her friend.

 _Okay, here goes nothing_. Therese tried to find her bearings before mixing the drinks. She could go Noel Coward style and just show the vermouth bottle to the mixing glass but where's the fun in that? Or the challenge? No, a decent martini needs that teeny weeny tiny trace of Noilly Prat to let the gin come alive and shine. And not just any gin, the quality stuff, Napue or Tanqueray. _Nothing but the best for Carol_.

With a swift motion Therese coated the ice with vermouth making sure she used the exact right amount of it. She stirred the gin in and poured the result to two chilled martini glasses. Perfect, she thought herself, suddenly confident of her success. Truth be told, she could have done it with a blindfold.

Therese served the cocktails vividly aware of the two pairs of eyes watching her. Abby registering her moves somewhat curiously, Carol concentrating on her fingers placing the petite glasses on the coasters. Did her hands tremble just a tad? Therese tried to level them ever so slightly suddenly realizing how close they came to touch Carol's. Half an inch to the left and the sides of their hands could have brushed against each other. She felt flustered, out of breath.

"My apologies for this somewhat retro look I have on, we just finished a photo shoot. I don't usually dress like this." Carol smiled self deprecatingly at her own words while revealing an exquisite 1950's red evening gown underneath the fur coat. The voluptious mink slid off her alabaster shoulders hitting the floor on both sides of the chair. Therese felt her own body go limp at the sight of such delicate extravagance. She imagined herself melting, joining the soft mink folds on the floor, gathering adoringly around Carol's feet. "You look beautiful", she stammered not sure if she had really said it out loud or merely thought of it. The gray eyes searched hers, clearly amused by Therese's simple declaration. "Thank you. You're very kind." _You are magnificent - and I'm a blabbering fool_. Blushing, Therese averted her eyes.

She had never witnessed anyone being so present, being so _there_. No, she decided, it wasn't a question of existing in some distinct time and place, not with Carol. She could don any kind of outfit of any era and still radiate, give off light. She could do without any clothes at all for that matter... _Christ, what's wrong with me?!?_

The moment when Carol lifted the dry martini to her lips seemed to last forever, to hover above like a renegade rocket uncertain of its target. She looked pleased, surprised even. "Now this is what I call a decent martini". _And this must be what it feels like to win a lottery_ , Therese thought her heart pounding fiercely in her chest.

"So what can I do for you?" Dannie pulled out a chair for himself holding a beer bottle in his right hand. "Like I told your friend the other night, we'd like to try out new material. Sound it off in front of a live audience. Maybe a couple of nights?" Dannie was instantly game, he was nodding eagerly even before Abby had finished her sentence. "Sure thing. Definitely. We have some openings - when would be convenient for you?" Abby looked at Carol, at first uncertain what to say. "Well, there's a slight hitch. The accompanist we've worked with earlier is no longer available and we haven't had much luck locating a new one, so it may take time..."

Dannie had a sly look on his face. "Well, aren't you lucky! We have a first rate piano player in our midst - Therese could do the job, I'm sure. If there's one thing she's even better at than mixing martinis it's the blacks and whites." _Dear, sweet, adorable Dannie who doesn't know a thing about accompanying a singer._ Therese could have kissed him right there and then.

She felt Carol's eyes on her again. Taking her measurements, estimating her hidden abilities. Abby finished off her drink looking troubled. "It's not quite that simple - no offense, sweetheart - but not everyone knows how to support a delicate performance.. it's an art of its own. How can I explain it... it requires a special bond between an artist and her accompanist, an intimate relationship, really." Therese was breathing unevenly. She knew Abby was right, she knew absolutely nothing about it.

Carol seemed pensive fondling the stem of her glass with her fingers. "Abby dear, it's not like we have people queing up to fill the spot. Maybe we could give it a shot? If you'd be willing, that is?" She stared intently at Therese. There was that sphere again gutting her insides apart. "Would you..?" Fireworks in Therese's eyes went off though she was on the verge of tears - tears of joy and relief. "Yes. Yes, I would."

* * *

 

"How did you first know you were attracted to a woman? I mean was there some defining moment when it dawned on you?" Therese felt safe to ask Gen these questions. They'd been friends for quite a while now or for at least a meaningful period of her life anyway.

"Where did that come from? Having second thoughts, huh? Too late, honey, I'm already spoken for. But you did have your chance, remember?" Therese poked her friend playfully on the shoulder. She didn't mind Gen mocking her. And she did remember Gen having a crush on her when they'd first met. A chance meeting at a school party during their freshman year had thrown them together just because they happened to recognize each other's face from a class they shared. Sometimes that's all what it takes to make friends in a room full of strangers.

For a long time Therese was completely oblivious to Gen's apparent attraction to her. When they first started hanging out at Dannie's it was Dannie who finally pulled her aside and told her like it is. "Look, since you're the only dope who doesn't get it, let me spell it out to you once and for all. Gen's makin' some serious love eyes at you. Do something. Let the girl out of her misery, she's got it bad for you." _She must have sensed it somehow, right?_

"I guess I've always known," Gen continued in a more serious tone, "I'm as queer as they get. I even picked the cello because of its feminine curves." She smiled deviously. "But it was weird to grow up in a world so consumed by heteronormativity. And nowadays it's easy, I mean if I compare my life with the lives of the women who loved women, say, in the 1950's. What it must have been like... no points of reference, fear of stigma, zero visibility, no safety nets." Therese shuddered at the thought.

"Still the main things haven't really changed. The feeling you get when someone catches your attention and vice versa. You have this premonition but you're not quite certain - you don't know _until you know_... You're giving off these vibes, I guess, and it's like you're a radio of some sort broadcasting on only one channel when somebody happens to tune in... It's magic, I guess." Gen looked suddenly very young and innocent.

"Or you could always use one of those fifties' lesbian double entendres like "I'm in a doll racket". I had this great aunt, an actress after whom I was named, Genevieve Cantrell who was apparently quite a womanizer in her day. I kinda like to think of her dropping a line like that while entertaining the ladies..." Gen was grinning hopelessly.

 _Magic_. Therese thought about telling Gen about Carol but decided against it at the last minute. They wouldn't have enough time before the next class anyway, and she needed plenty of it to explain it all to her friend, _to herself, goddammit_. Was she giving off vibes? Broadcasting on Carol's channel? Good God, she hoped she was.

 

 


	4. Sophisticated Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Pat Suzuki: Looking At You  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5eMwAg0XXdSKO6VHTK1Jrz
> 
> June Christy: The Nearness of You  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/7zwBqtZAjw6dyReuuNJsgl
> 
> Ute Lemper: The Ladies Who Lunch  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/6PfWFPw4RUwpXsyXOfpWqH
> 
> Ella Fitzgerald: Sophisticated Lady  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2pb93V1jTh4RrrhH1EliBp
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

”Therese, what on earth is the matter with you?” Professor Robichek looked both puzzled and impatient. Her arms folded she approached Therese who had abruptly quit playing the sonata they’d been practicing for a couple of weeks already. “This is not like you, not at all.” Her tone was kinder now. “It seems to me your mind is wandering miles away when you should be focusing on the piece instead.” The gray-haired woman sighed audibly. “Whatever it is that’s bothering you try to figure it out and make it snappy.” _Couldn’t very well expect the kindness last forever, now could I?_ Therese drew a quick breath and rubbed her fingers determined to give the keys another try.

“No, let’s finish for today. You lack concentration and I’m not going to waste any more time listening you making the most amateurish blunders with a relatively simple work.” She stroked her temples pensively. “Look, the recital’s coming up sooner than you think, and you haven’t even found your piece yet. You have to shape up, you understand?” Therese nodded meekly and removed her notes from the music stand. “Technically you’ve improved a great deal during this past year but sometimes I think you have no personal take on the music itself. The real interpretation stems from truly understanding the material, from passion.” _So I lack passion? Good one._ Therese was irritated but she hid it perfectly.

Once out of sight Therese let out a sigh of relief. The Dragon Lady was right, of course. She’d been a total disaster stumbling over the easiest strains. But Therese had a perfectly good reason for it, too. She had, after all, stayed up most of the night going over the sheet music Carol had sent her. How innocent looking it had been right there on her email feed: a message from carol.aird@hotmail.com titled “Looking At You etc.” _Hot mail, indeed_. Therese had taken her time to savor the moment, to take pride in being the intended recipient of Carol’s email, to see Carol’s name written on her laptop screen. Smiling she had read the short note accompanying the several attachments.

_Dear Therese,_

_Please find enclosed some of my tentative selections. I do hope they’re to your liking since they are to mine. I’d like us to get together asap, so if you’re free, say, tomorrow, we could get started. If tomorrow’s too abrupt, I totally understand. Maybe you could suggest another time, then? I have a very flexible schedule._

_Carol_

Therese had read the message again and again. _Dear Therese_. She’d been positively giddy grinning at the screen for an obscene amount of time. Then she had snapped into action, started to formulate her reply as if it were the most important message she would ever write in her life.

_~~Dear Carol~~ _

_~~Hey!~~ _

_Dear Carol,_

_Thank you ~~so much~~ for sending me these. I really ~~love~~ like your picks, ~~I think they’re amazing~~ , they’re my favorites as well. Tomorrow’s ~~perfect~~ okay, any time after my morning classes would be fine. ~~Can’t wait to get started~~ It’s good to start right away, I think. ~~We need all the time in the world~~ We have a lot of work ahead of us. _

_~~Love,~~ _

_Therese_

Carol had replied within an hour sending Therese her address. They would meet at 2 PM, and now she was already on her way to Carol’s apartment. Therese had still an hour and a half to kill before she could appear at her doorstep so she decided to have a cup of coffee in one of the nearby cafes. She took out the sheet music she had printed out and went once more through her own scribblings, thoughts she had had while trying to imagine Carol’s voice rendering the melodies.

She had talked about accompanying a singer with a class mate of hers – a somewhat pompous guy who she knew had some kind of experience in the matter. He had become very self-important telling her how difficult and demanding a task it really was, how an accompanist was in fact expected to be a musical director as well. Therese had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting it right with no previous experience or education he seemed to be saying.

* * *

At five to two she looked up at the tall building along the Fifth Avenue. After checking the visitor was where she was supposed to be, the concierge let Therese in the elevator which reached the penthouse level in no time. The door opened straight to the apartment’s impressive foyer. Therese heard the click of heels approaching and she drew a quick breath anxious to see Carol again. She saw her own reflection in the mirror and frowned at its helpless girlishness. _A deer in the headlights_ , flashed through her mind.

“Everything alright?” Carol leaned against the doorway smiling inquisitively. “Oh, just perfect…” Therese blurted out trying to snap out of her sudden exasperation.

“You’re a star for making time for me, Therese. I really shouldn’t have expected you to take me up on my first proposition.” The gray eyes lit up spectacularly. _Please, propose away,_ Therese thought her heart jumping up and down. She took off her coat and followed Carol to a very large room with a marvelous view on Central Park.

The living room or salon, she couldn’t be sure which, was decorated in the Scandinavian style, very modern with clean shapes and lots of pale airiness. Somehow she couldn’t connect it with the image she had of Carol, with her voice or presence.

“This is quite an apartment. I’ve never seen anything like it,” she managed to say. “This used to be Harge’s bachelor pad.” Carol was rummaging through an ascetic looking drawer. “Harge is your husband?” asked Therese in a quiet voice. “My ex-husband. I got this in the divorce. I don’t particularly like it, a bit too white for my taste, but it’ll do for now.” Carol sounded as if she hated it. “I’d rather live on Madison, in one of those old brownstones. I don’t understand the need to ruin an old building by leaving only its façade intact and transforming the insides into a bloody space shuttle.” Therese chuckled at the remark. _She’s funny_.

“It’s official. I’ve run out of cigarettes.” Carol looked displeased. “Do you want me to go and get you some? I don’t mind.” If needed, Therese would beg, steal and borrow to get Carol her cigarettes. “No of course not, silly. I’m not supposed to smoke anyway, it affects my voice and we can’t have that, now can we?” _We._ Therese beamed at the word. She was happy to be a part of _we_ even if it only meant avoiding smoking.        

Carol loosened a scarf around her neck. It was a tantalizing red against the shiny whiteness of her silk blouse. Her grey slacks were tailored to perfection. A simple yet elegant gold bracelet circled her right wrist. Therese felt weak watching Carol remove a loose blonde curl from her forehead. _How did that song begin again, the one in Carol’s email..?_

 _It's not the pale moon that excites me_  
_That thrills and delights me, oh no_  
_It's just the nearness of you…_

Everything about Carol left her swimmy with delight. She was the sun warming this cold earth, this sterile apartment, heating up her blood, and Therese – Therese was a forlorn Sputnik, a conglomeration of space junk orbiting around Carol, gravitating towards her at the speed of light. If Carol were to look at her this very minute, she would see it all in her face – know it all in a single second for Therese could not keep it a secret. Not now, not ever.

“Have you eaten? You must be hungry if you’ve only just finished your classes. I’m such a bad hostess. I had lunch with a bunch of ladies I used to associate with while being married to Harge. Why on earth I agreed to meet them now, I have no idea. A bunch of bores, more like it…” Carol’s eyes were glued on Therese who suddenly realized she was starving.

“So why did you?” asked Therese digging into a sandwich a moment later. “I guess it has to do with the old saying ‘keep your friends close and your enemies even closer’. Oh, I don’t know, I try not to burn all bridges for my daughter’s sake.” Carol sounded sad. “You have a daughter?” Therese thought she had seen a framed picture of a little girl on the mantelpiece. “Yes, Rindy. She’s eight. She lives with her father, it’s easier with her school but I see her almost daily.” Carol showed her a photo she had on her phone. The girl was beautiful, she had her mother’s eyes. “You too look a lot alike. She’s exquisite.” Carol looked as if she was about to say something but she just stared at Therese for a while, maybe a little bit too long, Therese thought. The scent of Carol’s perfume reached her from the other side of the kitchen counter. It enveloped Therese in its luscious aroma rendering her utterly defenseless.         

“What kind of name is Belivet?” The spell was broken, Carol had moved on. “It’s Czech.” Therese tried to sound cheerful though her answer was much too curt. “Therese Belivet… It’s lovely.” Carol’s eyes were on her again as if a lightning had struck out of a clear blue sky. She had a winning smile on her face. Therese was painfully aware of her reddening cheeks.

“And is there someone special in your life, Therese Belivet?” _There is now_ , she wanted to say. “No, not really. I was seeing someone but it didn’t work out.” And that was the God’s honest truth, even if she hadn’t said it to Richard in so many words. Why had she put it off for so long anyway? She would break it off now, no point in prolonging it any further. Carol waited for her to continue clearly scrutinizing if what she’d just said was true. “My studies and the work at the bar pretty much take up all my time so there really isn’t, I guess, any room for romance…” Therese was quite pleased how it came out. “Although my piano teacher seems to think I should definitely whip something up in the emotional department since my current performance lacks passion.” _Whip something up? How about quitting while you're ahead_?

“Well, that sounds a bit harsh. I think interpretation comes out of life experience. One cannot imitate something one hasn’t yet encountered. It’s been true enough with my career.” Carol took the dishes away and returned to the counter. She gave Therese a serious look. “You’re much too young to worry about some careless criticism thrown your way, even if it comes from an authority figure. You use what you have at any given time in your life.” She patted her hand in a careless fashion that depressed Therese incessantly. “There are songs I wouldn’t have known how to sing in my 20’s and there are songs I wouldn’t dare to attempt now. So, shall we start practicing, what’ll you say?”

Carol led her to yet another white space, a music room with a gorgeous grand piano as its centerpiece. Therese sat down on the piano stool marveling the beauty of the elegant Fazioli. She traced its shiny surfaces with her fingers resting them finally on the silent keys. Slowly she picked up the prints she’d brought along, laid them on the stand and adjusted the stool height to her liking. Therese was ready.       

“So, I was thinking, maybe I could sing this once through just so you’ll get an idea of my approach and then you could jump in and put your touches in it?” Carol’s smile was adorable, almost shy. “Sure, sounds good.” Therese pulled out the sheet music for Sophisticated Lady.

 _They say into your early life romance came_  
_And in this heart of yours burned a flame_  
_A flame that flickered one day and died away_

Therese couldn’t have prepared herself for this moment when the mesmerizing voice she had only just found became flesh and blood in front of her very eyes.

 _Then, with disillusion deep in your eyes_  
_You learned that fools in love soon grow wise_  
_The years have changed you, somehow_  
_I see you now_

Experiencing Carol’s precise phrasing, her clean, crisp sound mingling with the husky, downright sultry undertones was almost too much. _No, it is too much_ , Therese thought biting her lip feverishly.

 _Smoking, drinking, never thinking of tomorrow, nonchalant,_  
_Diamonds shining, dancing, dining with some man in a restaurant_  
_Is that what you really want?_

(Dear sweet Jesus, help me…)

 _Oh no, Sophisticated Lady_  
_I know, you miss the love you lost long ago_  
_And when nobody is nigh you cry_

“So what’d you think?” Carol took a sip of her water glass. “Umm… I think you did a splendid job.” Therese kept her eyes strictly on the sheet music. “We could try an Ellington vibe here, a subtle, understated back-up, okay?” _She sounded normal, right?_

Intrigued Carol moved behind Therese setting her hands on her shoulders, squeezing them just a little, leaning over her to examine the markings Therese had made on the paper the night before. _Oh, fuck!_ She closed her eyes unable to breath, trying to calm her racing heart. There was the perfume again wreaking havoc on her nerves, driving Therese absolutely nuts. _Kill me now, just get it over with_ , she thought gasping for air. _When they carry my lifeless body out of this spaceship, I’ll be one deliriously happy corpse_.  _~~  
~~_


	5. When the Special Girlfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support, it really keeps me going! Here's music for chapter 5:
> 
> Ute Lemper: When the Special Girlfriend  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4UnwD79nQcjb6py349E8qQ
> 
> Peggy Lee: Lover  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/434GfZN3SsS3r5idno1TnG
> 
> Jo Stafford: No Other Love  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2Ob9JN7yOMxicpxD7CBF55
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

”Oh God, I’m a complete mess. I don’t know what to do.” Therese buried her face in her hands. “I think you're adorable.” Gen put her arm around Therese and pulled her close.  
  
“Does Richard know?” Therese shook her head. “Know what exactly? That I’m falling for a gorgeous divorcee who lives on Fifth Avenue and doesn’t have a clue about how I feel?” Gen chuckled. “Oh, I think she may now have an inkling or two if everything you just told me is true. I try to picture you losing your composure every five minutes… and it’s priceless!” Her laughter was so contagious Therese couldn’t keep her cool either. It felt good to laugh together even if it didn’t help solve the problem. At least she now had someone to share her secret with.

“I’m actually quite chummy with the Airds, you know.” Gen could have knocked Therese down with a feather. “What are you saying?” Gen was grinning knowingly. “Let’s just say I’m not at all bowled over by your free fall. She’s hot, I mean seriously smoldering.” Therese winced at her repartee. “Look who’s being possessive already! No, I mean I can appreciate her looks although she’s not exactly my type. I’m into brunettes, you know.” Gen winked at her flashing a wicked smile. “She’s all yours, honey.” _I wish_ , Therese thought broodingly. “But what did you mean by being chummy with them?” She needed Gen to elaborate.  
  
“Oh yeah, good ole Harge’s father played golf with my grandpa and I used to babysit little Rindy occasionally. Well, not often, just whenever I needed some extra pocket change. I was still at high school at the time…” Therese stared at Gen not believing her ears. She also never quite remembered that Gen was actually a rich kid, the fact she took desperate measures to hide.  
  
“Cute kid, somewhat pampered, I guess, but nothing like the most of the one percent brats.” She lit a cigarette and offered Therese one as well. “I would show up whenever big H wanted to take the wife for a night on the town. It wasn’t just one or two nights when she’d be back all by herself hubby left gallivanting with his chums.”  
  
Gen took a slow drag out of her Gauloises. “She looked so sad. I was young and didn't really give a hoot about anything, but something about her bothered me.” Therese could very well imagine Carol being sad, cooped up alone in some big Scandinavian mansion.  
  
“I had no idea she was a singer, I guess I’ll have to look her up. Or maybe I’ll just show up when you guys are performing at Dannie’s?” Gen was having the time of her life. “Don’t you dare,” Therese warned. “I’ll be nervous enough without you being there to spy on my school girl crush.”

“Well, is it?” Gen looked at her intently. “Is it a school girl crush?” Her tone was sharper now. “Or are you ready to go the distance, come hell or high water?” Therese lifted her chin to meet her challenge. “Yes, I’m ready.”

* * *

They had another rehearsal date two days later, then several in quick succession. Therese was relieved to find herself more relaxed in Carol's vicinity though she couldn't claim to be completely at ease at any time. If anything she became more confident in her role as accompanist, someone whose opinion Carol seemed to value and take into consideration.  
  
At times when she got really excited about some arrangement she had thought of on her own, she almost forgot whom she was talking to and simply enjoyed the shared interest, the shared passion if you will. Whenever it happened she caught Carol watching her closely, beaming at her endearing excitement, nodding and laughing in all the right places. They were having such a wondrous time together Therese didn't at first even recognize it as such.  
  
"Could we take it again... a couple of bars before it changes here... yeah, right there," Carol would say and Therese would back up to the right place and start all over again. Most of the time they would get it right the second time and if not, they'd get all giggly and try again.  
  
About a week and a half into their rehearsals Carol decided they needed a break. “How about taking off for a day? We could drive out to the countryside and stay in some quaint little inn for a night?” _Yes, yes!_ Therese wanted to shout out. “Or would it be awfully inconvenient for you? Do you have classes?” _Classes, schmasses_. “No, I’m free, actually,” she lied. She had even promised to throw in an extra shift at Dannie’s but she could wiggle her way out of it. She was one hell of a wiggler. “Well, then, that’s that.” Carol seemed very pleased. They agreed to leave early Wednesday morning.

* * *

"This is not funny! I don’t have anything to wear for an overnight stay in some fancy inn…” Gen looked at Therese amusedly. “So, plot thickens. And you were unsure whether she’d be into you.” There was that mocking tone again. “Gen, you’re not helping!” Therese collapsed on her arm chair seriously depressed. “Calm down, I’ll help you. Let’s see what you have here… hmm, this won’t do. Neither will this.” Gen was throwing the contents of her wardrobe on the bed.  
  
“These jeans are okay, your butt looks so cute in them, and these black slacks for the evening unless you want to go all girly and wear a skirt?” she contemplated. “Here, have my tweed jacket, I think we’re about the same size.” Obediently Therese tried it on. “Good lord, it looks better on you than on me. You can have it, I’m fed up with it anyway.”  
  
She picked up a black crew neck sweater and a crisp white button down blouse Therese didn’t even know she had. “These will do splendidly. The sweater will give you a definite Audrey Hepburn vibe I’m sure your missus will greatly appreciate.” Therese glared at Gen who couldn’t help but grin inappropriately. “And how about some lingerie for later on? You have any?” She raised her hands to block the pillow Therese aimed at her. “In the words of the immortal Dorothy Parker, brevity is the soul of lingerie…” It finally cracked Therese up.

* * *

They had decided to meet in front of Bloomingdale’s department store at 10 o’clock. Therese was there well in advance, partly because Richard had shown up unexpectedly at her apartment bringing along a bouquet of flowers. He had apologized for his earlier behavior and suggested they spend the day together.  
  
However, seeing her packed and ready to go had brought about yet another jealous outburst from him. “It’s no use, Richard, we’re so over. All we ever do is argue, and I have no wish to keep doing it any longer.” Not quite believing what she had just said he had demanded to know “who the other man was” and “what he had that he couldn’t give her”. Suddenly furious Therese had snapped her valise shut and cast him an angry glance. “Well, let’s just say that whatever it is, it’s something you can’t possibly compete with!” Needless to say they had parted in less than amicable terms.  
  
If she had felt a tinge of guilt, it all evaporated the minute she saw Carol’s sleek new Mercedes pulling up to the curb. “Hop in!” she hollered pushing the passenger door ajar. Therese got in and set her baggage on the backseat. “Hello!” she exhaled meeting Carol’s smile. “Love your jacket…” Carol said touching the lapel of Gen’s tweed blazer she had on. _Life is good, life is brilliant, life is outright amazing!_  
  
It took them several hours to reach their destination after several leisurely stops along the way. Therese had never taken the time to appreciate the beauty of the city’s charming outskirts, and she missed quite a lot of it this time as well letting her sight linger on Carol instead.  
  
Carol was a vision in her black sports jacket and beige pants. Sipping coffee she had brought along in a thermos she seemed deeply absorbed in thought while gazing at the horizon on some random rest stop. Therese didn’t mind the silence for it allowed her to retreat to her own musings on her favorite subject.  
  
What was it about Carol that made her so smitten, so vulnerable to her charms? First she had fallen in love with the voice, then with the luminosity of her existence. But was it mere lust she felt? A physical longing to fulfill a childish fantasy she had of attaching herself to a celestial perfection which couldn’t possibly yield disappointment or heartache? Yet deep down she knew it couldn’t be so. Carol was flesh and blood, a real person with emotional baggage from years of sadness and solitude. Therese felt it vividly each time they talked, each time Carol gazed into her eyes thus undermining any words she afterwards settled for.  
  
They arrived at the inn right around the check-in time. The place was simply charming, a luxurious yet cozy cottage in a quiet hamlet. “My treat”, said Carol smiling in a manner which stymied all objections. “Your money’s no good in here”. Therese nodded thankfully. She probably couldn’t have afforded it anyway.  
  
“Ma’am, I’m very sorry but there seems to be a slight problem with your booking. I’m afraid we’ve accidentally double booked a few of our guest rooms…” The clerk behind the reception desk scratched his head in desperation. “We’ve driven a long way and we were assured that everything was in order.” Carol’s voice had an angry edge to it. _We._ Therese had to turn away to hide her pleasure. “Yes, ma’am, I’m so sorry ma’am, but I’m not sure what I can do at the moment. All the twin and double rooms are taken, and all we have left is the bridal suite. If you’d be willing, I could get you that one for the same price?” Aggravated, Carol tapped his fingers on the desk.  
  
“Well, I think we could manage… if it’s a large room and there’s plenty of space for two?” Therese heard her own voice as if booming out from a dark tunnel. Carol shot a quick glance at her. “Oh yes, it’s a marvelous suite, I’m sure you’ll love it, and please accept our complimentary bottle of champagne as our deepest apology for this unfortunate mishap.” The poor man was groveling.  
  
They carried their overnight bags to the suite not saying a word to one another. “BRIDAL SUITE” exclaimed the gilded lettering on the door. The set of rooms was indeed lovely but Therese was unable to appreciate its sumptuous furnishings. Her breath was taken away by the huge canopy bed in the middle of the bedroom. She averted her eyes from it altogether and gawked at the living room tapestries instead. All the time she was painfully aware of the gigantic bed looming behind, running over her like an ocean liner.  
  
“So, let’s pop the champagne and get this party started.” It was so unlike Carol to say something like that it made Therese giggle uncontrollably. “What’s so damn funny about that?” asked Carol who couldn’t help but join in her overwhelming laughter.  
  
They had a wonderful dinner at one of the nearby restaurants. “A Michelin restaurant”, said Carol explaining the exceptional quality of the dishes served. A seven part tasting menu with matching glasses of wine was laid in front of them in precise succession. Carol took care of everything conversing fluently with the sommelier about the specifics of different wine regions.

The idea of eating seven courses troubled Therese at first but when she saw the tiny amount of food set on each plate she was visibly relieved. Carol grinned at the disappearance of her initial discomfort raising a glass to a toast. “To us – may we make jazz history together.” Thankful for the dim lighting to hide her blushing cheeks Therese held her glass up. “To us.”

Seven glasses of wine, albeit small ones, during the meal as well as the champagne earlier had their delightful toll on Therese. She felt less inhibited, almost willing to say what was on her mind, what she really longed to tell Carol. "You know, I'm really happy to be here with you." Carol beamed at her. "So am I, darling."

 _Darling_. Therese's heart leapt at the word. But surely it was just an expression she used to refer to all her girlfriends? She had called Abby 'darling' when they had first met at Dannie's. _She called you darling and now you do your damndest to take it the wrong way?_ She swallowed a large mouthful of water. _Focus, Therese, focus. You need to sober up._

"You look very fine. I don't believe I've ever seen you so dressed up. And you've done your hair differently as well." Carol's appreciation made her heart sing. "I wonder if you have any idea how absolutely beautiful you are. They say the youth is wasted on the young but I'm not so sure about you." Carol's thoughts seemed to wander further away. "Mine was, no doubt about it."

The pleasure of hearing Carol's compliments vanished into the desolate reflection. Therese tried to see Carol at her age but could not picture her at all. It seemed to purposefully elude her. _True beauty is ageless,_ she thought _, it defies our primitive understanding of life, our limitations to see beyond the mere surface of every waking hour._

"What were you like in your twenties?" she asked boldened by Carol's easy confession. Her gray eyes glistened over the flicker of candles. "Unhappy. Well, not all the time but most of it. I got married too soon and at a very young age which was a huge mistake from my part. I advise you not to do the same thing if you can possibly avoid it."

Therese bowed her head and stared at the napkin on her lap. Sensing the change in her mood Carol laid her hand on hers. "Not that I'd ever think you'd make my mistakes." For a little while it was as if they were holding hands, Therese thought, and when Carol finally pulled her fingers away, she was almost certain she felt them lingering for an extra, undecided while.

They returned to the inn somewhat reluctantly. If Therese had felt a bit tipsy before, the proximity of the bridal suite sobered her up once and for all. Carol opened the door and turned the lights on. _Yup. The bed was still there_.

"What a jocund evening this turned out to be," Therese exclaimed only to say something, to lighten the mood somehow. "Jocund? Now there's a word I haven't heard, I think..." Carol had disappeared into the bathroom. "How would you translate it to a Manhattanite such as me?" Therese fell silent. She could think of only one other alternative. "Well, I'm waiting. Let's hear it, Miss Belivet." Carol poked her head out expectantly. "Gay." Therese wished the floor underneath would part and swallow her whole. "Oh."

Therese got her toothbrush and pyjamas out of the bag when it was finally her turn to use the bathroom. She stared at the mirror trying to muster up whatever courage she had left. _C'mon_. She let out a sigh and stepped out. The night stand lamp on Carol's side of the bed was already turned off, and she could hear her breathing evenly. Quietly Therese sat down on her side and watched the sleeping figure in the moon's silvery shadow. The pale, freckled shoulders seemed to float on a pool of light. Not knowing how long she remained that way she finally slid under the covers careful not to disturb Carol's slumber.

When Therese woke up, Carol was all dressed up and leaning against the window sill with a cigarette between her fingers. "What happened to the 'no smoking' policy?" she asked yawning. "A girl can only take so much." Carol's uncompromising smile was radiant like spring.

* * *

 A few days after their return to the city they had already resumed their rehearsals. Their opening night was only a week away.

"Therese", Carol said after several hours of practice, "do you think we'd have time to go through one more song, get it ready for a possible choice as an encore?" Therese's interest was piqued. "Let's give it a try anyway, what've we got to lose?" She was tired but still raring to go.

Carol handed her the sheet music and cleared her throat. "From the beginning, slow tempo, follow me..." Therese recognized the piece instantly, and she knew right away how to carry her voice without even looking at the notes.  
  
_No other love can warm my heart_  
 _Now that I've known the comfort of your arms  
No other love, oh sweet contentment  
That I find with you everytime, everytime_  
  
Carol kept her eyes on Therese not letting her out of their reach for a single second. She looked pale, almost feverish in the evening light, yet lovelier than ever.  
  
_No other lips could want you more_  
 _For I was born to glory in your kiss, forever yours_  
  
Therese felt as if she was being flung out of her adoring orbit and elevated to a space she and Carol inhabited alone. Her fingers were on autopilot, coaxing all the gentleness out of the tender keys, touching them like a lover.  
  
_I was blessed with love to love you_  
_Till the stars burn out above you_  
_Till the moon is but a silver shell_  
_No other love, let no other love know the wonder of your spell_  
  
It got very quiet after the last traces of music had withered away. Neither one dared to move nor look away. Finally Therese rose to her feet. She was the one sitting after all.

"Carol..." The intercom buzzed at the same instant its shrieking noise piercing their privacy all too violently. Carol closed her eyes in agony and rushed to the door. Therese deflated as if someone had punched all the air out of her. She fell back on the stool breathless, almost panting.  
  
"Hi honey! Beam me up, will you?" Therese recognized the voice immediately. _Abby_. She walked to the window with her arms folded in sudden frustration not even turning to greet the latecomer when she finally made it up to Carol's apartment. "Well, hello to you too." Abby looked at her questioningly. She glanced at Carol. "Artistic differences? Trouble in paradise? Should I leave?" _Yes_. But no, she wasn't going anywhere.

A bottle of rye appeared on the side table. "It's one week before the showtime... maybe we should lighten up a bit?" Without a word Carol brought out three glasses and an ice bucket. "I see..." Abby drew her own conclusions. "No, you don't," snapped Carol determined to shut her up before another wisecrack. "Okay, okay, I come in peace, no need to bite my head off."  
  
"Carol says you've been doing a tremendous job." Abby sounded sincere in her praise. "Therese, if I ever made you feel like I didn't appreciate your hopping aboard, do forgive me. I stand corrected. Let me make it up to you, I'll buy you a fancy dinner, take you out on the town, what'll you say?" If Carol's look could have killed, it would have annihilated Abby in a matter of seconds.  
  
Therese softened, smiled even. "You're much too kind. It really isn't necessary, and I wouldn't have time anyway with the gigs and my recital coming up." Abby looked seriously tickled. "Well, wasn't that about the cutest brush off ever. How about a drink then?" Therese shook her head. "No, I think I better call it a night and be on my way."

She met Carol's gaze as she was about to gather her things. Her heart was full and she wanted to say so much but the words escaped her, all of them, leaving her stranded with nothing but muddled beginnings and swallowed meanings. Carol saw her to the door placing her hand ever so softly on Therese's shoulder as she had already turned to leave. Therese was transfixed by the impact it had on her. "I'll see you..?" Carol murmured out of breath. "The day after tomorrow", Therese managed to say in return.  
  
It started raining and it felt like Carol, Therese thought. She saw the blurry lights of Manhattan and found them devastatingly beautiful. Eyes welling up with tears she ran all the way to Dannie's. Therese had an idea and she had to start right away - and for that she needed a piano.


	6. If You Are but a Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!
> 
> Eartha Kitt: Let's Do It  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/36clyhrqqBvsBUmS9FXP9H
> 
> Etta James: If You Are but a Dream  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/7AlASRf2EXNr0WjhtbCHKI
> 
> June Christy: I Fall in Love Too Easily  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/3WkNavIjeM0U6XOfyfWkNy
> 
> Thanks for your wonderful support <3

”I think we’ll soon need to have the talk.” Therese looked at Gen nonplussed. “What talk?” she asked not quite sure if she even wanted to know what she was referring to. “About the bees and the bees.” A mile-wide grin appeared on her friend’s face. “You freaking out at the mere sight of a bed raises some serious questions. You need to own it, girlfriend!”  
  
Therese shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.” She had pulled yet another all-nighter on Dannie’s Steinway and it showed. She had, nevertheless, shined at her piano lesson leaving the Dragon Lady clearly impressed. “Seems to me you’ve found your piece though I’m somewhat surprised you chose to go with this one.” Now she was exhausted, longing to crawl to her bed she’d been neglecting far too long.  
  
“I’m in no mood for jokes, Gen, not now.” She felt stupid about the entire incident, and she wished she hadn’t said a word of it to her. “It’s not a joke, Therese, I do feel for you. With all the mixed messages and stuff, no wonder you went off your rocker for a second.” _Gen’s a doll,_ she thought smiling at her.  
  
“Yo girls, need a top up?” Smiling Dannie appeared by their table. “No thanks, I’m delirious enough”, replied Therese her tiredness clearly showing. “You’ve been busy with the piano. Caught a few bars this morning and it sounded seriously good.” Dannie pulled a chair to join them.  
  
“I saw Richard this morning. He wasn’t a happy camper…” Dannie gave Therese a concerned look. “Everything alright?” Therese shrugged averting his eyes. “I’m fine. It wasn’t going anywhere, anyway.” She knew she sounded cold and uncaring. “Well, it’s none of my business but he’s a mess. He sure loves you, you know?” _But I don’t love him_ , Therese wanted to point out yet refrained from doing so. Richard was Dannie’s friend, after all. She had met him through Richard. “I know but it just wasn’t working anymore.” Getting up Dannie squeezed her shoulder sympathetically. “If there’s anything I can do, let me know, will you?” Therese smiled warmly at him. “Of course, but don’t worry, I’m okay.”

* * *

Therese called Carol to confirm their rehearsal time for the next afternoon. Carol sounded preoccupied over the phone hardly speaking at all. Perplexed Therese switched the phone off and got ready for bed. Despite uneasy feelings she soon fell into a dead sleep.

She awakened to a sound she was sure she'd heard though nothing in the impenetrable darkness of her quiet room gave her reason to think so. _Great, I’m hearing voices now_ , she concluded reaching for the light switch behind the bed.  
  
Heating up a bowl of noodles she was overtaken by an inexplicable sorrow, an undefinable premonition which spread its gloomy wings all over her being. It seeped through her marrow, her very essence she had tried so flawlessly to keep intact all these years. _The cracks begin to show_ , she mused not knowing where it all came from.  
  
She had to work that night and she was happy to do so. Dannie’s was positively buzzing with customers, a welcome change for a week night, and for once she was delighted to be busy mixing her cocktails, serving them to a grateful crowd. Smiling faces, easy laughter, small talk over the counter.  
  
Dannie was passing on flyers advertising Saturday’s club night, “a low profile launch” he was quick to add to anyone interested. Carol’s elegant profile adorned the posters on the bar room walls, the product of her recent photo shoot no doubt. Carol’s lips an enthralling display of crimson, her blindingly blonde tresses nearly flowing over the sides of the glossy print.  
  
Therese couldn’t escape her presence even if she’d wanted to nor could the clients sitting under Carol’s incandescence. Her being there, even if only as poster, commanded reverence and reverence it was certainly rewarded. _Was she the artist who was to perform here on Saturday night?_ Yes, she replied again and again to each and every one ordering a shot, a beer, a cocktail. A drink on their hands they would linger by the bar counter asking further questions. _Who was she and what was she like? What kind of music did she perform?_ If she was any good didn’t seem to matter as if the mere mortals consuming their liquor were already aware of the absurdity of the question. “The show time is at 11”, Dannie reminded if Therese forgot to point it out clearly enough. They would all flock in like vultures fighting for the seats on the front row, she thought suddenly disgusted by the idea of them gawking shamelessly at Carol.

* * *

Next day she arrived at Carol’s unpleasantly aware of the knot in her stomach. She was clutching an invitation to her upcoming recital in her hand when the elevator door slid open. Expecting to see Carol she was welcomed by Abby instead. “Hello, we’ve been expecting you.” Her smile was easy, relaxed. “I’m not late, am I?” Therese asked knowing full well she wasn’t. “Oh no, we’re just happy to see you, that’s all.” Carol was standing on the background not saying anything. “Come on in.”  
  
Therese had meant to give the invite to Carol but slipped it into her rucksack instead. She had a bad feeling about this. Seeking Carol’s gaze she followed them into the music room and set her things on the floor by the grand piano. “I thought I’d sit in today if you don’t mind. I’m curious to hear what you’ve come up with.” Abby took a seat right behind Therese who did mind her presence terribly. Carol kept her eyes on the sheet music. “Let’s take If You Are but a Dream… from the intro.”  
  
_If you are but a dream_  
_I hope I never waken,_  
_It's more than I could bear_  
_To find that I'm forsaken._

Therese could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

 _If you're a fantasy_  
_Then I'm content to be_  
_In love with lovely you,_  
_And pray my dream comes true._

Carol still wouldn’t look at Therese even though her entire body was bristling.

 _I long to kiss you_  
_But I would not dare,_  
_I'm so afraid that_  
_You may vanish in the air,_

(I’m going to kill Abby. In the music room. With my bare hands.)

 _So darling,_  
_If our romance should break up,_  
_I hope I never wake up,_  
_If you are but a dream…_

“Bravo! Simply stunning – not that I expected anything less from you, darling.” Abby beamed at Carol who poured herself a drink from a familiar looking bottle of rye. There wasn’t a lot left in it, Therese noticed. Carol’s hands shook slightly as she lifted the glass on her lips.  
  
“And you were good, too – very good, indeed”, she added turning to Therese looking slightly apologetic for leaving her out from her first remark. _Too little, too late_ , Therese thought gathering storm clouds over her already darkened mood.  
  
The rehearsal took what seemed like an agonizing eternity to her. Carol ignored her – that much was obvious. _Very well then_ , she decided, _have it your way._ Fuming with anger she practically threw her things together ready to get out, ready to walk out of this undeserved, unfair treatment she had been subjected to. _Too bad you can’t slam an elevator door._  
  
“There’s one small thing we haven’t yet talked about,” started Abby. _What now_ , she sighed impatiently. “Your fee. What we’re willing to pay for your services.” Therese felt hot under her collar. She shot an angry glance at Carol who finally met her gaze looking helpless and lost. “Well, why don’t you send me an email about it, I’m sure whatever you have in your mind will be just dandy”. Storming out of the room she could feel yet another emotion surfacing, a feeling of abandonment and despair rising from her throat in a single sob.

* * *

Therese headed to the Central Park as she needed to be alone, to truly grasp what had just happened. She made damn sure she couldn’t be seen from Carol’s window before breaking down altogether, giving in to tears of utter loneliness and heartache. She couldn’t understand a first thing about it, and not understanding made her feel guilty as a child scolded for something she simply couldn’t yet comprehend.  
  
“I brought donuts, chocolate and coffee. And candy, that goes without saying.” Setting a large grocery bag within an easy reach Gen sat beside her on the park bench and took a sip from her take away cup. “Weren’t you supposed to be somewhere?” Therese whispered her face all puffed up and red. “Eh, don’t worry about it… Alex will take care of it.” Alex was Gen’s girlfriend. “Now tell me everything. Don’t leave anything out, we’ll need a big picture here.” _We_. Therese was relieved to know there were still some _wes_ left for her.

"First she's all hot and bothered, seriously ready to get it on and now she's channeling an ice queen... Well, who the fuck is she? Some sort of a Hitchcock blonde, eh?" Gen scoffed at the obvious contradiction. "This just doesn't make any sense." She leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees.

"No shit, sherlock." Therese saw no point in hiding her frustration. "And with that you've just hit the nail on the head since you're talking to the foremost gossip sleuth of the Manhattan dyke scene." Gen seemed very proud of herself all of a sudden.

"Yeah? Since when?" Therese rolled her swollen eyes. "Well, since always but that's not the point. I just happen to know this Abby character is at least not your competition." Therese looked at her increduously. "I have it from a reliable source that Abigail Gerhard has been seen wining and dining a certain Ms. Moneybags who owns a string of steakhouses around the continent." This time there were absolutely no limits to Gen's affable smugness. "Our beloved Miss Gerhard must be one meat and potatoes kinda gal." Therese's dimples were making a wary comeback.

"Could it be..? Yes! She smiles!" Gen exclaimed pretending to do a victory lap around the bench. "So the question remains what on earth happened _after_ you had left Carol's digs the other night?" Therese looked none the wiser. "Okay, dear Abby catches you ogling at each other and figures it out right away - looking at you it's a definite no-brainer - and proceeds to talk some sense into her friend. Are you with me so far?" Therese nodded sheepishly. "Just _wh_ y she decides to do it remains shrouded in mystery but who knows, incredibly rich people are incredibly fucked up... I know a thing or two about it myself. Here, have a tissue." Therese wiped her nose and leaned her head on Gen's shoulder.

"She's newly divorced, finally free from a seriously messed up marriage, has a child on the verge of adolescence, rebooting her career... There's a lot at stake in here." Therese took a deep breath, her first in a very long time it seemed. She hadn't been thinking clearly, she realized it now. The change in Carol's behavior had indeed taken place immediately after Abby's interference. She had already sensed it in her voice over the phone and it had made her miserable even though she had tried to put up a happy or at least a hopeful face.

Tears welling up again Therese began to sob uncontrollably. How could she possibly beat the odds Gen had just laid out for her? This was the big picture as well as the close up - she meant nothing to Carol. Karma, the Wicked Bitch of the East and West, hit her back sooner than she thought: it was she who couldn't compete, and Richard was way better off without her sorry ass.

Gen pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her feverish temple. "C'mon, you'll stay with us for the night. I'll tuck you in."

* * *

Next afternoon Therese was back at the piano. She'd kissed Gen and Alex goodbye an hour earlier having convinced them she was not about to do anything stupid or at least not without them.

She was halfway into her recital number when she sensed someone standing behind her in the doorway. Her fingers left the keys immediately but she took her time turning around. "Sorry to disturb you but I thought I'd bring the papers for you to sign." _Abby_. Therese wouldn't care one way or another.

"I did try to call you but your phone is either dead or disconnected." _The battery_. She had forgotten to charge it in the midst of this turmoil. "Where do I sign." _It really wasn't a question._ "Can we sit down for a second? Have a drink or something?" Abby was watching her very closely. _How about a Kamikaze_. "On second thought, forget the drink. Let's just sit for a while." _Can't wait to get out of here, huh_. Tight-lipped Therese signed the papers not giving them one look.

"Therese, there's a thing you ought to know. I've known Carol ever since I was ten years old." Her smile was concerned, even caring. "I would never let anything or anyone hurt her. Not ever again, you hear?" Therese had no clue what she was talking about. _Hurt Carol_?

"But I think I've over reacted, I can see it now." Abby patted her hand in a way which reminded her of Carol. She had done the very same thing on their first rehearsal date. How tenderly friends mould each other over the years, over decades, simply by exchanging gestures, habits, likes and dislikes. A lifetime of shared experiences. Therese felt envious, jealous even. "It's not me you need to fear, you know", Abby said as if having read her mind.

"Do you have time to drop by at Carol's tomorrow afternoon? She'd like to go over some last minute changes." Abby had a mischievous smile on her face. "I won't be there tomorrow." Of course, Therese promised. After all they did have a contract now.

She picked up her things and got ready to leave. "The music you were playing when I got in... what's it for?" Smiling, Therese glanced at the piano. "I have my music school recital coming up on Sunday... yeah, I know, first our opening and then the recital the next day. Not much breathing room there."

"You know if you ever need representation as concert pianist, I'd be more than happy to do your bidding. A gorgeous girl like you tickling the ivories with a chic foreign sounding name," Abby drew an imaginary theatre marquee in the air, "we might just have a box office stampede." Grinning she waved her hand and disappeared into the front room. For a long time Therese could hear her talking to Dannie, going over all the details for Saturday. She didn't mind listening to her voice, didn't mind at all.


	7. Two Faces in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys for all the support you've given <3
> 
> Here's the playlist for chapter 7:
> 
> Pat Suzuki: How High the Moon  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5Yoky23j6IDAvJvyHWBWZ1
> 
> The Clovers: One Mint Julep  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0LnS4r0xrbnUTI4WvuuZiE
> 
> Pat Suzuki: Two Faces in the Dark  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4byK7apxBpub698wOrrrny
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

”Hello.” Carol smiled shyly at Therese as she entered the penthouse apartment. “I’m so glad you could make it.” Feeling quite self-conscious she took off her jacket and left it on the bench by the elevator. “Of course. Tomorrow’s the big day after all.”

“You know, Abby can be a bit…” Carol started hesitantly. “Don’t worry about it.” Therese wasn’t going to have this conversation, not now. They stood in the foyer staring at each other for an indefinite amount of time. Carol looked ravishing in her light cashmere sweater. Therese could feel her heart pound in an increasing tempo. _Surely she could hear its loud thudding too?_

“There’s someone here I’d like you to meet”. Therese froze for a second. She wasn’t prepared for yet another surprise meeting. “Come and say hello, sweetie.” Carol turned away from her and ushered in a little girl. “Hello! Who are you?” A pair of gray eyes not unlike Carol’s surveyed Therese curiously. “I’m Therese… and you – you must be Rindy, right?” She beamed at the girl in a pleated skirt. “Come and see what we’ve been up to, Mommy and me.” Rindy took Therese by the hand and pulled her impatiently towards the kitchen. “We made sandwiches. And juice!” She could feel Carol quite close to her, the elegant hand touching her back ever so softly as they moved to the adjacent room.

Rindy was a riot, playful and full of mischief. Quite a precocious eight-year-old, Therese thought grinning at her stories about friends and school. They got along splendidly, and it took all Carol’s will power to get her to let them practice for an hour. “Would you like to learn to play the piano as well?” Therese asked Rindy when they were about to begin. “Could you teach me?” the little girl exclaimed enthusiastically. “Could you teach me right now? Please?” Pleased, Therese laughed at her excitement. “Well, I could show you a thing or two – if it’s okay with your Mommy?” She cast an inquisitive look at Carol who was leafing through her music folder. She looked up from her papers and gave Therese her loveliest smile. “Sure, sweetie, if Therese is willing… but not right now. We have to practice. Go sit on the sofa, this won’t take long.”

“Let’s do Rindy’s favorite first.” Carol put on her reading glasses. “I used to sing this to you when you were little, remember sweetie?” Rindy was sitting on the edge of her seat.

 _Somewhere there's music_  
_How faint the tune_  
_Somewhere there's heaven_  
_How high the moon_

Carol’s magnificent voice had an ethereal, dreamy quality to it.

 _There is no moon above_  
_When love is far away too_  
_Till it comes true_  
_That you love me as I love you_

She looked at Therese causing her to slip her foot from the pedal.

 _Somewhere there's music_  
_It's where you are_  
_Somewhere there's heaven_  
_How near, how far_

 _The darkest night would shine_  
_If you would come to me soon_  
_Until you will, how still my heart_  
_How high the moon_

She was still looking at Therese.

“You were wonderful, Mommy!” Elated, Rindy jumped on Carol’s lap. Therese tried to catch her breath without either of them noticing. “And _you_ made the piano sound so beautiful!” Rindy was hugging her now. “How come you’re able to make it sing such lovely tunes? I never get _anything_ beautiful out of it.” The girl looked disgruntled which Therese found adorable. “Ask your Mom. It’s easy to do beautiful things when she’s around, don’t you think?” Rindy looked befuddled but Therese was positive she saw a slight change of color on Carol’s face.               

* * *

“You’re leaving already? Can’t you stay for a little while longer?” Rindy was reluctant to let Therese go. “I’d love to but I have to go. I’m sorry.” She meant what she said. Therese had loved every minute of their time together but it was getting late and she still had a practice of her own to finish. “We’ll meet again, I’m sure”, she assured her wondering if the promise she just made was actually true.

Carol saw her to the elevator door. “Did Abby invite you to the cocktail party she’s throwing tonight? She wanted to do something because of tomorrow, to mark the occasion so to speak…” Carol sounded nonchalant, almost indifferent. Therese had gotten Abby’s invitation alright but up till now she hadn’t given it a serious thought. “You can bring a friend along, if you want to”, she added. _A friend? Carol wanted her to bring a friend to a party she herself was attending?_ “Well, I’ll have to think about it. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Five minutes later she was back on the Fifth talking with Gen on the phone. “A party? Of course you’ll go to this party and with a friend, too, may I add.” Therese couldn’t follow Gen’s train of thought. “What the fuck are you saying? Why would I want to go there if it’s so damn irrelevant for her whether I show up alone or with someone else? And who, may I ask, should I take there as my date?” She was losing it again, she could tell.

“ME, you dummy, you take me with you! And not as your “date-date” but as your BFF also known as the super sleuth of Manhattan…” Gen was again relishing her newfound identity. _This could take time_ , Therese sighed listening to her friend humming the theme from Mission Impossible. “Oh gawd, this is going to be so much fun!” Gen screamed at her ear. “Get over here when you’re finished with your piece. We need to get you seriously dolled up…” Frowning, Therese put her cell away. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to think about tonight or about anything else, for that matter.

* * *

Right before the party Therese could feel herself getting extremely nervous. Wearing pants most of the time, she wasn’t at all comfortable with “the look” Gen had insisted she put on for the evening. “From my foregone pre-butch era”, Gen had explained somewhat apologetically.

It was a perfectly wonderful black dress, a distinctive and elegant combination of a tightly fitting bodice, slim waist and a flared skirt. It reminded Therese of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

“I don’t give a hoot what it reminds you of as long as it leads you to Breakfast at Carol’s”, Gen said as she was trying it on at Gen and Alex’s bedroom. “Give it a rest, will you…” she pleaded though it did make her smile. They had a couple of mint juleps – just to “take the edge off” as Gen put it.

Abby lived in a fancy apartment building along Central Park West. Therese grabbed Gen’s arm as they stepped inside the awe-inspiring lobby. “You have nothing to worry about,” Gen whispered squeezing her arm in encouragement, “I’ve got your back.”

The party was in full swing when they finally made it to the top floor. “Welcome! I’m so glad you decided to join us.” Abby, the perfect hostess, appeared from another room as they were shedding their over-garments at the hall. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” she exclaimed winking approvingly at Therese. “And who’s your handsome friend? I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure?” Suddenly flustered, Gen extended her hand. “Genevieve Cantrell”, she said trying desperately to get her act together. _Genevieve?_ Therese was amused to see her easygoing friend so rattled. “Get in, get in. Let me introduce you to the ladies…” Abby ushered them in and Therese had the distinct feeling of walking into a lion’s den.

Therese saw Carol before she saw her. She looked stunning in her sleeveless, coral colored cocktail dress. Wiping away a loose blonde curl she seemed to be enjoying her chat with one of the ladies present, a redhead who kept spilling her drink on the mahogany floor. When Abby left to get Therese and Gen their drinks their eyes met.

Carol excused herself and made her way to meet the new arrivals. “Hello…” Her voice was sheer velvet. The gray eyes savored their increasingly nervous object. “What a gamine you are”, Carol murmured appreciatively slowly shifting her attention to Gen.

“I know you. You’re Katherine’s daughter, aren’t you?” Gen nodded enthusiastically. “How do you know Therese? Are you two…” _Where’s the bloody drink?_ Therese agonized. “NO!” Gen exclaimed before Carol had time to finish her sentence. “I mean we’re best friends, study buddies.” _Can this get any more embarrassing?_ “I have a girlfriend. Well, she’s not in here right now.” _Oh yes it can_. “How very nice for you and I’m sorry she couldn’t come tonight.” Carol’s smile was genuinely warm, not at all mocking or sarcastic.    

“Here are your cocktails, ladies. Sorry it took so long.” Abby handed over the glasses positively beaming at the three of them. “There are some hors d’oeuvres over there on the bar if you’re feeling peckish.” Gen looked eagerly at the direction she was pointing. “Oh yeah? What’re you serving? Steak?” Carol chuckled while Therese cast a fierce glance at her friend. “Well aren’t you a live one! Come on smart ass, let’s get you some meat.” Amused, Abby dragged Gen away.

“You know, I’ve never seen you in a dress before,” Carol started when they were left alone. “You look very grown up, and it’s very becoming, I must say.” Therese was beaming. Once again, she was at loss for words. “What are you thinking? Sometimes I wonder what goes on behind those emerald eyes of yours.” It was almost like a reproach. “I’m sorry,” she started, “there are so many things I want to ask you – but I don’t know if you’d want me to.” Carol stared at her intently. “Ask me things, please…”

They were interrupted by Georgia, the redhead Therese had seen Carol talking to. “Who’s your lovely friend?” she asked her looking at Therese instead. “Therese Belivet,” she introduced herself. At least she still remembered her own name. “She’s my… accompanist,” Carol volunteered. “She’ll be with me on the stage tomorrow night.”

Georgia was intrigued. “Abby darling, I’ve met the famous Therese,” she hollered all the way to the other side of the room. Abby returned to their company slipping her hand around Georgia’s waist. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed, and it made Therese hot and cold at the same time. Her eyes wandered over Carol stopping at her curves, appreciating their supple lines, burning holes of desire on the delicate fabric covering what she longed to touch. Voices, words seem to float away, distance themselves from her. Someone put a cd on, that much she registered in her delirium. People, couples, started moving, dancing to the music. She saw Gen whirling around with a woman much older than her and it made her smile, almost giddy.

“Would you like to dance with me?” Carol extended her hand to Therese. Dumbfounded she followed her to the center of the room. “You know this one? _Two Faces in the Dark_? It’s a rumba…” Carol put her arm around Therese’s waist and pulled her closer. “I’ll lead,” she whispered.

_Most usually I find_

_I have a tidy soul and a tidy mind_

_But some nights_

_When the sky is as blue_

_As a concord grape_

_In my tidy mind_

_Untidy dreams take shape_

_I look deep in the shadows that the evening brings_

_And see strangely wonderful things…_

They started swaying to the incipient rhythm gradually fitting their movements together.

_Sometimes, clearly_

_I see two faces in the dark_

_Touching, nearly_

_Two spellbound faces in the dark_

Carol smiling at her, the inimitable gray eyes never leaving hers… Rumba is about mutual seduction, Therese remembered suddenly.

 

_Longing to be close_

_Longing to fall in love_

_To know the wonder of_

_That splendid spark_

The rapture of Carol’s hand on her waist. The intoxicating, madness inducing scent of her perfume. The growing need in her as she let Carol lead her on.

 

_And would you believe it_

_Sometimes clearly_

_I see a small enchanted park_

_Kissing, nearly,_

_The same two faces in the dark_

_Mind you, it’s a dream_

_But by some fine design_

_Those spellbound faces are yours and mine_

 

And then, the letting go when the music died down – the end of the world as far as Therese knew it. Slowly she became aware of her surroundings, of people watching, of people minding their own business. Of Gen beaming at her.

“Therese…” Carol had her fur coat on. “What is it?” She couldn’t believe Carol could just – leave. “I have Rindy, remember? I’m supposed to let the babysitter go… well, fifteen minutes ago, so I must be on my way.” She smiled apologetically. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Bye.”

Dazed, Therese stood in the hallway watching Carol first exchange a few quick words with Abby and then disappear out of sight.

Looking puzzled, Abby approached her. “I’m not sure if I got this right, but Carol asked me to give you a message…” Therese was all ears. “She told me to tell you she had a jocund evening.”      


	8. So In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs for chapter 8:
> 
> k d lang: So In Love  
> Billie Holliday: Easy Living  
> Dinah Washington: I'll Close My Eyes
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!
> 
> Enjoy!

They bid their farewells half an hour later. Therese could have very well left right after Carol for she saw no point in staying a minute longer. She was used to feeling alone in the crowd, not quite fitting in no matter who were present.  
  
With Richard it had been even worse. Apart from Dannie she could hardly stand his friends who were loud and often disrespectful, not necessarily in a misogynistic way but in a manner that oozed a sense of righteous male entitlement. And these guys were supposed to be the artists and humanists of tomorrow.  
  
Gen had been busy talking with Abby and Georgia who'd evidently found her youthful nerve refreshing. Therese had walked across the salon floor where she had danced with Carol only a short moment ago. She had almost expected to feel a trace of their fleeting embrace which had made her cross the parquet reverently as if it were a hallowed ground.  
  
There would never be any other memories associated with this room. Whatever would happen tomorrow or in the weeks to come, no matter how many times she would visit Abby professionally or otherwise, she would only remember Carol, the weight of her hand on her hip, the scent of her perfume mingling with her surreal blonde essence.  
  
Even if her heart were to be broken she would love this room, adore it till the end of her days for it had already given her the happiest, most intense moment of her life. It was a weird thing to say about a mere space conceived of four walls, a floor and a ceiling, yet she knew it to be true. From this moment on this room would always be Carol as the Fifth Avenue on a blurry, rainy night was, as all canopy beds, every jocund, all small plates with tiny food on them in all the fancy restaurants everywhere. Always.  
  
"You okay?" Gen asked after they'd left for she'd been quiet for a long time. "Spectacular", Therese replied exuding lightness and joy she'd never experienced before. "I loved it," Gen added wistfully. "What?" Gen smiled. "Seeing you so happy." Therese tugged her arm under hers. "I was, wasn't I? At least for a moment." Gen had a sly grin on her face. "You do realize that if it weren't for itty-bitty Rindy, you'd be between the sheets with the blondie this very minute? Oh my god, it just occurred to me – she’s your MILF!"  
  
Therese sighed melodramatically. "Thanks for ruining this beautiful moment." But she couldn't help but think if Gen was right, if Carol would've otherwise taken her home with her. "You're thinkin' about it? Yes, you are! And you're blushing!" It was no use trying to stop Gen now, so she might as well enjoy it.

* * *

Seeing the crumpled sheets of her sad, miserable bed she felt suddenly very lonely. There was nothing wrong with it, really. Having invested a considerable amount of money in getting a decent sleep, she’d been quite pleased with her mattress. Hadn’t she woken up refreshed and ready to take on the world from it?  
  
It just wasn’t what she wanted anymore. It wasn’t enough.  
  
Next morning she got up all skittish about the night’s performance. “It’s not the piano you’re nervous about. You know your way around the keys better than anyone,” Gen had said. No, it was not _that_ performance which worried her and made her stomach churn.  
  
What was it about desire that made Therese so afraid all of a sudden? A part of her almost wanted to run screaming to the opposite direction. _Almost_. She wasn’t a virgin, for crying out loud, she’d been around the block a couple of times and there’d been nothing to it. And that was exactly the problem. She’d been _quite okay_ with it but something told her such platitude just wouldn’t fly with Carol. She wouldn’t be _okay_ or _fine_ or _chipper_ about it with Carol like with the men she’d gotten intimate with. Secretly she’d always been a bit confused about sex in general not really grasping why everyone made such a fuss about it. _Well, I do now and I haven’t even kissed her yet._  
  
She thought about a song on Carol’s repertoire and words she hadn’t really registered before made suddenly sense to her:  
  
_Even without you,_  
_My arms fold about you,_  
 _You know darling why,  
So in love with you am I._  
  
It was scary to want something, _someone_ , as much as she did. To replay an imaginary love scene in her mind so many times it nearly drove her mad. Actually, it _had_ driven her mad for here she was again picturing folding arms, intertwining limbs, intensifying caresses... _I really shouldn’t be thinking about this now._

* * *

Dannie and Alice picked her up at 12 to take her to brunch. “To celebrate,” Dannie had explained over the phone. Gen and Alex would be joining them. Therese thought it a bit premature to celebrate just yet but she was nevertheless happy to oblige. After all, it gave her something to do, something else to think about unless Dannie only wanted to talk about tonight.  
  
“You look radiant today, Therese, you’re positively glowing!” Alice complimented as they had taken their seats in a busy SoHo diner. “This is nothing,” retorted Gen, “wait till you see her tomorrow morning”. Alex poked her side angrily. “Give it a rest, will ya?” Therese was grateful for Alex’s interference. Therese loved Gen to death but sometimes she just didn’t know when to shut up. “What’s this all about?” Dannie looked at them curiously. “Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just that I have the recital tomorrow, and a lot depends on how it turns out.” Therese forked her food absent-mindedly. “If it’s the piece you’ve been working on at the bar, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” He really meant it, she could tell.  
  
“You guys coming tonight?” Alice aimed her words at Gen and Alex. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world”, Alex replied smiling at Therese. “I’m a sucker for old standards. Been listening to Billie Holiday a lot lately. Is she going to do any of her numbers tonight?” _She_. Therese flinched at the mere reference of Carol. “Yeah, a couple. I think we might even open with _Easy Living_.” There it was again, that word – _we_.  
  
“Oh goodie! I love that one particularly even though the words are kinda silly, don’t you think? “It’s easy to live when you’re in love, and I’m so in love, there’s nothing in life but you blah blah blah" and the whole business of ruling the lover with just “one wave of your hand”... makes you think what kind of relationship good ole Billie’s singing about, right?” Alex was just getting started. “Chrissakes, Alex”, Gen snapped, “it’s about falling in love, not gender politics.”  
  
_Oh-oh, trouble in paradise_ , Therese thought amused by the sight of them getting into a heated argument. Would she and Carol one day be fighting over mundane things as well, she wondered. Would they disagree on some frivolous matter and be vocal about it? She couldn’t quite picture Carol mad or worked up over nothing but Therese knew she had it in her. She’d seen the cool, evasive side of Carol as well as her irritation when things didn’t go her way. The poor man behind the reception desk suffering under Carol’s glare. The memory made Therese smile.  
  
“What’s so damn funny?” Gen was looking at her gloomily. “You guys are. I can’t think of any two people other than you who can make an argument out of an innocent song.” Embarrassed, Alex took a sip of her coffee. “Alice and Dannie here have to listen to your half ass speculations of whatever it is you’re really miffed about.” Dannie did indeed look a bit bewildered. “Sorry…” Gen squeezed his arm ruefully. “She’s a blockhead but she’s my blockhead.” Smiling, Therese averted her eyes from seeing the much too long kiss that followed.  
  
Afterwards Therese headed over to Dannie’s to give her recital piece one more polish. There wasn’t really anything more she could do, she’d done her homework and as far as she was concerned she was ready. Walking over to the bar to get a soda she noticed a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of champagne with her name on it. “Break a leg! Love, Abby” was written on the card. She grinned at the Birds of Paradise which peaked out of their wrappings like fabulous rainbow arrows.  
  
The hours passed, slowly. They were to have a quick sound check at 9.30, an hour and a half before the show time. At ten people would be let into the stage area, seated, waiters taking their drink and food orders. They were a thirsty crowd, Therese knew it by her own experience. She’d been waiting and blocking tables many a night but not tonight. Tonight there would be other young girls carrying trays and wiping away spilled drinks, young girls with stars in their eyes. And she would bid farewell to the wide-eyed girl she once was and be with Carol. At Dannie’s, in New York, in Manhattan, in thousand cities – if Carol only wanted it so.

* * *

Finally leaving, Therese still had plenty of time to get to Dannie’s. She’d been trying on several outfits eventually settling on a simple black pants suit which complemented her petite figure. Carol hadn’t said a word about what she was going to wear for the spotlight so Therese thought it better to go with the understated look herself. After all, it was Carol everyone was coming to see and she would be more or less sitting in her shadow.  
  
Standing in the doorway, she took one more look at her tiny flat and felt a tinge of nostalgia. She’d been perfectly content living here, happier than ever in her life so far, but if she were to return here alone tonight, this room would surely crush her spirit for good.  
  
The crisp evening air soothed her skin as she walked across the street. Her mood was quiet and shy, humbled by ever growing anticipation and excitement. She had with her a single white, long stemmed rose she had picked for Carol. Passing parked cars, cabs in waiting, people walking by, Therese was smiling, seeing everything and nothing at the same time. She was alive, she was in love.

There was a long line in front of Dannie's when she finally reached her destination. She slipped in through the back door and bumped into Richard who was sorting empty beer bottles. "Hi..." Her greeting was met with an uneasy silence.

"Honey, can you bring out the beer keg as well..." A young woman appeared at the door. She fell silent upon seeing Therese. Richard picked up the keg and turned his back at Therese. "I'll take this in." The girl lingered at the doorway as if wanting to say something. Sensing her discomfort, Therese passed her by avoiding eye contact. _Well, that was awkward._

"Richard's here." Gen greeted her nervously when she finally made it to the backstage area. "I noticed. Just bumped into him." She smiled at her friend soothingly. "It's okay. I'm glad he's got company. Right now he needs adoration." Dannie poked his head around the corner. "Terry, I'm sorry but I had to ask Richard..." He looked so worried it made Therese smile. "Give it a rest, both of you. I'm fine. It's not like I'm the jilted party, now am I?" Dannie was visibly relieved.

"Is she here?" Therese tried to sound nonchalant. Noticing the rose, Gen grinned approvingly. "Yeah, she got in a moment ago. Go see her." Therese glanced at the dressing room door. It seemed to glow in the dimly lit corridor. She took a deep breath and approached the room as if in a dream. _This is the gateway to heaven or hell_ , she thought dragging her feet along. They felt heavy, like lead. She knocked on the door.

"Come on in!" Displeased, she picked up Abby's voice immediately. She could hardly recognize the room the moment she laid her eyes upon it. Plush white roses covered the entire space from floor to the ceiling. She hid hers by the door hoping no one would notice it. Abby did since she was facing her. "And here's our lovely pianist - and right on time. If there's one thing I appreciate in an artist, it's punctuality." It reminded Therese of Professor Robichek.

Carol turned around and smiled at her somewhat weakly. She seemed agitated. "Quite a display in here..." Therese managed to say. "It is, isn't it. I was just telling Abby I want every single one taken out immediately. For all I care, I don't want to see another white rose as long as I live!" _Carol didn't like white roses?_ Therese cast a quick desperate glance at Abby.

"The flowers are from Harge," Abby explained and squeezed Carol's hand sympathetically. "Darling, don't let him get to you. He's just trying to psych you out..." Disgusted, Carol stood up and paced the room. "Well, he's doing a pretty good job at it..." She sounded heartbroken.

Therese wanted desperately to go to her and take Carol's hands into hers. Instead she started to clear out the roses with Abby. From the corner of her eye she saw her pick up each and every one of them and then discard the whole lot into empty cardboard boxes on the floor. All of them, except the one Therese had brought along. _Don't_ , Therese wanted to say afraid of what Abby might do with it. She did nothing.

"Bloody Airds..." Carol fumed, "I don't think I can take this anymore. The constant meddling with my life... he's never going to leave me in peace, now is he?" Abby stared at her intently. "Calm down, Carol. You have to get your shit together, you hear? Harge may be an asshole but he's not your husband anymore." Therese hated Hargess Foster Aird with every fibre of her being. "He can't hurt you. Not now, not ever. And Rindy's a bright girl who knows better than to listen to the Aird clan badmouth you in front of her." All of a sudden, Carol looked scared, so fragile Therese was afraid she would hit the floor. _I'll_ _catch_ _you_. She could feel her muscles tensing, adrenaline flowing.

"You don't think he could come here tonight?" Carol's voice was no louder than a whisper. Abby shook her head decisively. "Don't worry, I'm way ahead of you. I told Mac to look for him if he had the nerve to show up. She's not gonna let him in no matter what." Mac was Abby's on/off bodyguard, a gorgeous African American woman who according to Gen who had chatted her up at the party could "give Foxy Brown a run for her money".

"I need a cigarette", Carol pleaded sinking back to her chair. "You're not going to smoke before the show and that's final." Abby could be ruthless. Therese felt helpless and what was even worse, useless, listening in to Carol's troubles, sensing her palpable agony.

Suddenly there was a loud commotion behind the door. "Sir, you're not allowed in this area, I'm going to have to ask you to leave..." Muffled sounds and then "like hell I'm going to leave!" The door was ripped open and there he was, the man of the hour, the biggest prick of them all staring at Carol, staring at the crumpled flowers flowing out of the boxes.

"Can't I see my wife on her big night?" he shouted angrily. "Your EX wife, Harge, the bias being on the first part!" Abby was getting seriously mad shooting disappointed glances at embarrassed Mac who was standing in the back.

"Harge..." Carol started hesitantly but was cut midsentence. "I have a perfect right to be here just like anybody else, and I've paid good money for it too!" Fuming, he turned his attention to Therese. "And who the fuck are you? The coat check girl?" The last words were aimed at Carol.

"I play the piano", Therese volunteered not recognizing her own voice, feeling stupid and worthless. "You sure know how to pick 'em..." he scoffed turning his back on Therese. _Piano_ _players_? _What_ _the_ _hell_ _is_ _he_ _talking_ _about?_

Something in Carol was switching gears and gaining speed. Slowly she rose from her seat as if she were a prize fighter who's been dealt a few punches but now goes for the kill. The temperature in the room dropped considerably, and Therese felt a shiver go down her spine. Enraged, Carol flung away a table that happened to stand in her way. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Blonde rage... _How is it even possible to be this turned on_ , flashed through Therese's brain. She was dizzy, light-headed.

The man backed off visibly shaken by Carol's outburst. "I'm not finished with you yet!" he yelled trying to catch his breath. "OH YES YOU ARE AND SO AM I." She paused for a while. "It's so over - it's been over for such a long time and if you don't get it, you're a bigger fool than I pegged you for..." Mac made a move towards Harge who took a step back. "I'm going. No need to get any closer." He shrugged his shoulders and left.

* * *

"When's the sound check? We need to go over the song list, there are some changes I definitely want to make." All of a sudden Carol looked perfectly cool and composed. The incident had evidently pumped new blood into her veins. "In about ten", Abby informed, "but you'll have plenty of time afterwards."

"Excuse me... I'll be back in a flash." Therese needed to take a breather or rather breath into a paper bag. She walked out of the room her legs barely functioning and headed straight to the bar. "Everything okay?" Gen ran after her like a nervous puppy. Therese was too rattled to reply.

"A shot. Give me a shot. Now." Bemused, Dannie looked at her. "Of what?" Therese closed her eyes for a second. "Vodka, whiskey, gin. Anything." She was getting impatient. _All these bloody questions, what's wrong with you people?!?_ Dannie poured her a rye exchanging puzzled looks with Gen. "Are you alright?" Gen asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "I will be once I down this one."

After the quick sound check and rethinking the song order she spent the last hour with her friends while Carol was getting into her costume for the night's performance. She could feel Richard's cold stare at the back of her head. She couldn't have cared less.

* * *

Most singers would never open their set with a slow number but then again Carol wasn't like most singers. Looking absolutely breathtaking in her red sleeveless evening gown she made damn sure there wasn't a single soul who wouldn't afterwards remember her exquisite rendition of _I'll Close My Eyes_.

 _Heaven sends_  
_A song through its doors_  
_Just as if it seems to know I'm exclusively yours_

The audience sat in silent rapture. Raised glasses stayed midair, waiters forgot what they were doing.

 _Knowing this_  
_I feel but one way_  
_You will understand it too  
In these words that I say_

Her voice had an intimacy unparallelled by just about anyone, Therese thought.

 _I'll close my eyes_  
_To everyone but you_  
_And when I do  
I'll see you standing there_

Therese felt happy, ecstatic watching her deliver each word in front of her. Carol was also wearing a backless dress.

 _I'll lock my heart_  
_To any other caress_  
_I'll never say yes  
To a new love affair_

Still no movement any where. She could see people staring dewy-eyed at Carol.

_Then I'll close my eyes  
To everything that's gay_

Carol winked at her oh so fleetingly.

_If you're not there  
To share each lovely day_

Her smile was radiance itself.

 _And through the years_  
_Those moments_  
_When we're far apart_  
_I close my eyes  
And see you with my heart..._

The crowd went wild, absolutely bonkers. Therese was grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. From then on it was smooth sailing all the way through. Carol could've sung the phone book and everyone would still have adored the ground she walked on. A star was reborn.

Afterwards there were people cramming into the small dressing room, everyone eager to shake Carol's hand, exchange a few words with her. She was gracious enough to comply, to answer all the questions thrown her way.

Therese was happy for her. This was after all what Carol had hoped for, what they both had been working so hard for. Yet she couldn't help but feel a little bit left out, abandoned and lost. She knew she was being selfish in her stubborn wish to have Carol all to herself.

Two men Therese hadn't noticed until just now seemed to be occupying most of her time. Abby joined in their conversation. She could see Carol being escorted out of the room, handed her fur coat, whisked away from her reach...

Her heart throbbing excessively, not believing what her eyes had just witnessed, she backed away from the dressing room all the way to the bar's back door. Therese could feel bitterness surging through, bitterness and anger which had no limit, no moderation. "What the fuck..." she heard someone faintly say and that someone was Gen finally coming into her focus, materializing in front of her on the street. Gen's face was a blur and it took time for Therese to realize that it was so because of the tears in her eyes. She touched Gen's hand in passing and turned away to leave.

"THERESE!" A single, sharp shout broke through, made it all the way to her eardrums. The voice was commanding, it left her no choice but to turn around and face its source. Breathless, Abby made her way across the street. "Are you okay?" Therese knew that even if she wanted to there was no way of hiding her tears. "NO!" It was all she could say not to fall apart in front of her eyes.

Abby took a firm hold of her shoulders. "Look, you're being silly now." She let out a heavy sigh. "You have to give the industry its share, and when something's hot, it wants it right away. If you want to be on the cover of Billboard magazine, you really have no other choice." She searched Therese's eyes closely. "It's a magnificent bore, I know, but it's a bore that either makes you or breaks you, do you understand?" Therese didn't want to understand.

"We made history tonight. That means you too. Did you really expect that no one would want to claim a share on it?" Therese didn't like the idea of sharing Carol. "If so, you're more naive than I thought. Don't disappoint me by hiding behind some silly pride when the truth is really much simpler than that." Abby's expression was serious, reprimanding.

"I feel like I'm a fucking Western Union here... You two have to get your communication working a lot better than this." Abby was cracking a sly smile, yet Therese had no clue what she was talking about. "One hour she was willing to give the journalists. ONE measly hour because she _really_ wants to see you." Therese stared at her incredulously. "So stop bawling and get your ass over there at two. And that would be an hour from now, not tomorrow afternoon, you nitwit."

Therese could hear Gen wohooing, high fiving Alex. "Young people..." Amused, Abby rolled her eyes at them and left.

 

 

 

 


	9. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. First of all, THANK YOU for cheering me on - it's definitely kept me going <3 Here's the chapter 9 and it's been the hardest one so far... phew... let me know what you think ;)
> 
> The songs for number 9:
> 
> Peggy Lee: Fever  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0WgCGigm7KscruA6rhN72k
> 
> Rumer: Slow  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5ANZCMqRIVPu8dYV3bOpvA
> 
> Sarah Vaughan: I Confess  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2wfziSmFyQsP6IA7gvvuHK
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

One hour. Therese kept looking at the clock in thirty second intervals. She would have to leave in forty minutes to make it in time, but she would leave in twenty. Just to be on the safe side. _Safe side. Funnee._

She was either breathing heavily or not breathing at all.

Dannie brought over champagne. He was overjoyed, grinning from one ear to another. It'd been a spectacular night for the club as well. He didn't even seem to mind the drunken latecomer who had insisted he play old disco - ABBA's _Waterloo_ \- instead of jazz. The place was booming with customers and for him it was all that mattered.

"This has been absolutely nerve-wracking", Gen contemplated tasting her bubbly. "You think?" Therese smiled at her somewhat sarcastically. "Now that we've come this far, only one final question remains..." Hearing Gen, Alex moved uneasily in her chair. _What now?_ "Please tell me you're not wearing crappy underwear, are you?" The expression on Gen’s face was troubled. "WHAT?" Unfortunately Therese had heard her correctly. "NO! And what kind of a question is that anyway?!?"

Gen raised her hand to cool her off. "No need to get so worked up about this. It's just this theory of mine..." Alex sighed audibly. "Here we go again." Gen ignored her remark. "...that there's a correlation between how you – hmm, how do I put it – ‘prepare’ yourself for a big night on the town and how it eventually turns out." Therese looked at her nonplussed. "And just what does all this have to do with underwear?" Gen took a moment before she answered.

"Being single, every time I put on some hot little number, I ended up walking home alone." Gen frowned at her memories. "Same with the bed linens. Don't you dare change your sheets while getting your hopes up, you'll only end up messing up your chances." She poured whatever champagne there was left in the bottle into her own glass.

"Then again when I _didn't_ go through all the trouble I always scored big time..." Alex found the last remark terribly amusing. "So that explains the granny pants you had on..." Gen glanced at her uneasily. "Not that I wanted you any less for that matter. I actually found 'em adorable..." She was all smiles.

"Well, I myself am perfectly content not to know the details of Miss Belivet's undergarments, thank you very much, but I'd assume it's safe to say she has this in the bag." Alex was beaming. "And this is not jinxing it either since it's not like she wants to go over the arrangements at two in the morning..." Gen started giggling and mimicking a voice which was definitely _not_ Carol’s: "Oh Miss Belivet, there's something I'd like to arrange over you..." It was all so stupid and infantile – and loving, Therese couldn't help but smile along their laughter. And she knew that they knew how very nervous she was about meeting Carol – about their "night time rendez-vous" as Gen so eloquently put it.

When she got up to leave Gen hugged her tightly. This time she even managed to keep her mouth shut.

* * *

At ten to two she was again standing in front of Carol's apartment building. She couldn't see any light in her windows which suddenly made her concerned. What if she had changed her mind about wanting to see her? Worried, she made her way to the front door half expecting not to be let inside. The concierge greeted her politely and allowed her to step into the elevator.

The lights in the foyer were turned low except for one spotlight pointing at a small side table. Therese had never seen it there before and it did look quite out of place in the middle of the floor. What was on the table, however, made her smile wider than ever: a single white rose, her rose. _Abby, dear, dear Abby_ , she thought.

"Thank you." Carol's words broke the silence. "I only wish you'd given it to me in person." Her voice was unusually quiet. Therese could feel her heart picking up speed, wildly skipping beats and racing forward. "I..." she started out, "I..." but couldn't finish. For a brief moment it was almost too much, almost unbearable to carry the weight of Carol's gaze, the true meaning of the anxious second before everything she had so stubbornly kept to herself would finally unfold. Because there was before and there was after and now they stood at the threshold of the all mighty, magnificent YES written on their faces.

Therese met Carol halfway, and it was only then she realized what Carol was wearing – a flowing, silk negligee which left very little to imagination. Therese swallowed hard. Blood seemed to abandon her brain altogether and rush towards her groin in one swift tidal wave which left her gasping for air.

The sudden abyss of her want rendered her limp, nearly lethargic. She was drowning, engulfed by her own desire, desperately searching something solid within to spring upwards again, to return to the surface once more. “I seem to be in a very bad way about you”, she mumbled out of breath her features ashen and rigid.

And then it happened quite fast though her life before Carol had plenty of time to flash before her eyes as a series of mere mediocre vignettes -Therese fastening her hands on her silken hips, touching the small of her back, Carol sliding her fingers behind her neck and bending her head to the mad collision of their lips.

There was nothing chaste about their first kiss. Nothing but the palpable urgency, the first impossible longing which pinned them in a passionate embrace against the wall. To kiss the neck, the collarbone, the triangle of light under the throat to feed the bottomless pit of desire.

"Take me to bed."

Leaving behind a trail of clothes, a set of odd particles forming awkward velvety shadows on the floor, they made their way to the room Therese had never seen before. Aware of only Carol’s crushing beauty, of her slender hands and soft skin, she fell – succumbed to the sensation of being touched, being caressed so slowly, so achingly Therese lost all sense of time and place, of herself as she once was.

Even if she had already tried to see it in her mind’s eye, the reality of their coming together was far more than she could have ever imagined. And it wasn’t really _more_ , it was _all_. Carol’s arms sliding over her pale skin, her claim on her hungry lips, the platinum locks like ethereal feathers twirling on her abdomen.

“My angel…”

Carol moving even further, summoning her thighs to open with her mouth, Therese felt her body starting to tremble, shake violently. Arching her back in one involuntary motion she gave in to tears of joy and release, of happiness unforeseen.          

“You okay?” Carol touched her face wiping away a loose strand of hair. Therese nodded. “I want to kiss you.” She smiled against her lips. “This is kind of my first time.” Astonished, Carol quirked an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you tell me? Are you sure you’re okay?” She looked worried. “I couldn’t be happier.” Therese nuzzled her head on Carol’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to do anything you wouldn’t want.” With a swift movement Therese pushed herself on top of her. “There is nothing I wouldn’t want…” Therese drowned the sentence in a kiss that didn’t quite stop but traveled on eager to map out the _terra incognita_ she longed to call her lover.      

Everything in her life had been a prelude to this. Every piano lesson she had attended, every cup of coffee she had ever tasted. Every cocktail she had ever mixed - and there had been many - had taken her a minute closer to Carol, to the bliss of her kiss and everything it entailed.

* * *

"Why did you wait so long?" Therese asked sliding her fingers over Carol's ribs. She sounded vulnerable, almost hurt. Carol's eyes were of a darker shade of grey and they glistened of the serenity of the fulfilment she had known only a moment ago. "I had to be sure," she said watching her lips, "I had to know this is what I want." She looked at Therese in a way that left no doubt she had made up her mind. "And I needed you to understand what you were getting into."

Therese placed a gentle kiss on her chest sensing it wouldn't remain quite so innocent if she were to continue. "And do you..?" she murmured burying her mouth on Carol's breasts, on her nipples. "...know what you want?" She couldn't help herself. "You make it very difficult for me to think, you know..." Carol whispered suddenly out of breath.

"Again?" she sighed when she felt Therese's lips moving down her abdomen, on the delicate surface of her thighs. "Again..." Carol groaned in abrupt decision brought up by desire so easily wakened anew.

"When did you know?" Therese asked when they once again found calmer solace in each other’s arms. "Yesterday. Watching you with Rindy." Carol's smile was shy and lovely. "When did _you_ know?" Therese grinned sheepishly. "The moment I first laid my eyes upon you at Dannie's..." She let her hand disappear in Carol's blonde curls. "I knew I wanted you more than anything. More than anything I'd known before."

Carol let out an easy laugh that warmed her heart. "I had no idea. I thought you might care for me when we stayed at the inn and you did your damnedest not to look at that ridiculously big bed..." Therese cracked a smile. "I guess it was pretty obvious..." Carol looked at her sweetly. "I don't think it's ever obvious, at least if you're looking for signs to absolutely convince you." Therese thought about what Gen had said about not knowing until you know. She knew now.

Her reverie was interrupted by a sound emanating from her stomach. It was growling. "You poor thing, when did you last have something to eat?" Therese couldn't help but grin winningly which made Carol blush. "I mean food." She reached out to grab a cigarette from the night stand. "You have a dirty mind, you little minx..." Laughing, Therese pulled her closer. "For that you have only yourself to blame. What can I do if I find you utterly irresistible?" She wanted Carol to put the cigarette away and return to her arms.

"Oh no," she laughed, "not before we get something into that empty stomach of yours..." Feigning displeasure Therese kept her hands around Carol's waist. "But I don't want to let you out of this bed." Her eyes locked with Carol's. "I'm afraid to let you go... _I'm so afraid that you may vanish in the air..._ " Carol seemed suddenly embarrassed. "Don't remind me of it", she said referring to the incident with Abby, "I acted so foolishly... I thought I'd never see you again." Therese kissed her shoulder and its lightness made Carol hum out of pleasure.

"Why did you?" she asked kissing the freckles on Carol's back. "Hmm... It had to do with the talk I had with Abby..." _So Gen was right_. "She knew right away what was going on the minute she saw us here." Carol sighed. "Abby pointed out how very young you are, and how very foolish it would be to rush into something right before our first show."

She turned to face Therese. "You have to understand she had nothing against it in principle. She just thought this wouldn't be the right time..." Therese searched her eyes to see if Carol had agreed with Abby. "But she changed her mind right after she'd seen you at Dannie's, the night she brought you the contract." Therese had noticed the change in Abby. "What made Abby think otherwise?" She kissed Carol's wrists tenderly. "She told me how very offended you were by her showing up, not looking at the contract at all... she took it as a sure sign of your genuine feelings for me. Quite a stretch, don't you think?" _But no, it wasn't a stretch at all_ , Therese thought.

"Abby got it right. All of it." She stared at Carol's eyes for a second uncertain whether she should just leave it at that. She couldn't. "I'm in love with you." Astonished, Carol looked at her the gray eyes tearing up. She dumped the cigarette on the ashtray and climbed on top of Therese holding her gaze intently, searching if what she had just said was indeed true.

"I'm in love with you..." Therese repeated her eyes getting hazy, unfocused by Carol's hands starting their lovely round, Carol's lips brushing her jaw line, the luscious blonde curls leaving trails of desire on her skin. _How was it possible to be so perfectly aroused in a fraction of a second? To lose all control and give in to just one thought throbbing in her mind?_ She wanted Carol to possess her, to make her eyes turn backwards, to lead her to the state of ecstasy which was Carol - mounting her petite body, pinning it against the bed with hers, overwhelming her until she was ready to scream out of sheer need to have her inside her. Therese could see the gray eyes, now darker, flicker in front of her, coaxing moans out of her, the crimson lips opening into a cry which finally erupted from Therese.

* * *

"Now food." Carol's voice was determined. "NO!" Therese yelled in mock resistance. "Yes. I'm not done with you yet so you'll need all the strength you can get." Her smile was deviously delicious. "Come on." Carol got out of bed and put on her robe. "NO!" Therese objected impishly seeing the voluptuous body disappear out of her sight. "Yes, the kitchen awaits." Carol's eyes were laughing.

Therese put on one of Carol's shirts and made an effort to follow her. "Who gave you the permission to cover yourself?" she reprimanded Therese amusedly. "I'm just following your lead, that's all. _Quid pro quo_." she replied in mock innocence. She let Carol lead her by the hand to the kitchen she already knew so well. Sitting on a bar stool beside the counter she observed Carol taking out food and setting it in front of her. Slices of bread, cold cuts, variety of cheeses, grapes and fruit salad. She was famished and she didn't mind showing it. "Well, you've certainly worked up quite an appetite", Carol said beaming at her apparent enthusiasm.

"How about a glass of champagne? I think we've deserved it." Carol took out two flutes and a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon. Watching Therese demolish the food she lit up another cigarette and took a moment to appreciate its taste in her mouth. Smoke rings vanished into air and she seemed to be lost in thought for a while. "You wanted to ask me things..?" With her mouth full Therese nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

Finally finished, Therese sighed of contentment. "Quite a lot, actually..." She didn't know where to begin. "Like, has there been many... before me?" Carol looked surprised. "You mean women? Or in general?" Therese was suddenly embarrassed. "Well, yeah, women..." Carol took a sip of her champagne. "Some."

At first she seemed unsure whether to elaborate or not. "I had my first experience when I was at the college." Surprised, Therese looked at her. "With Abby. We'd known each other practically forever and I guess I'd always sensed she was interested in me in that way." _She'd been with Abby, she should've guessed it_.

"Anyway, it didn't last. It was a fleeting thing, something that came and went like a hurricane leaving neither of us none the wiser. Well, I guess it left Abby wiser in a way. She's made far better choices than I have." Therese felt suddenly forlorn, discouraged by what she was hearing. Was this thing she had with Carol also a fleeting encounter? A hurricane that would blow over all too quickly and ruin her in its wake?

"I had a few short affairs with women while being married to Harge. Mostly before Rindy because I couldn't take it anymore after she was born. The secrecy, the lying, the sneaking around. And for what – for nothing, really." There was a bitter undertone to Carol's voice. "I didn't have it in me. Nor did I get anything out of it." She looked at Therese to see if she had understood. What she saw made her uneasy.

"Darling, all of this has nothing to do with you, you do realize that?" By now Therese was nearly reeling with jealousy. Carol came over and cupped her face with her hand.  She forced Therese to look into her eyes. "It's all in the past and it has nothing to do with us, you hear? None of it can compete with us."

Therese buried her head on Carol's bosom. Tears stung in her eyes but she didn't want her to see them. "What is it, darling?" She couldn't fool Carol. "Oh, nothing, I'm just being silly..." she mumbled into her robe. All of a sudden Carol sounded very serious. "Therese, you must know I adore you, don't you?" Therese lifted her head revealing the sorry state she was in. "You do?" Wiping away her tears, Carol smiled at her. "Yes, dearest. I absolutely positively adore everything about you."

Therese stood up to meet her gaze, to kiss her lips softly but what started as a gentle reassurance soon turned into excitement, a mad leap towards the urgency she knew she would always feel with Carol. If she had feared being abandoned only a short while ago, it all evaporated the minute she sensed Carol's eager response, her immediate arousal under her probing touch, her fingers diving underneath the robe and reaching anxiously the center of her heat. Therese could feel her yielding, opening, letting her enter her very core. They leaned against the kitchen counter Carol's moans growing more vocal by every move of her hand. Becoming more confident with each stroke she held her tightly in her grip finally letting her out of her sweet agony.

 "You'll be the end of me..." Carol whispered her cheeks flushed. "Not that I'm complaining."

 


	10. No Other Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, the last chapter. See the end for a postscript.
> 
> The pieces for the finale:
> 
> Dusty Springfield: Just A Little Lovin'  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1TLVJJuTTuW1JdrezcUHTm
> 
> Dinah Washington: What a Diff'rence A Day Makes  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0SmF5Ra14lagx2pIKLiuq7
> 
> Lang Lang: Étude Op. 10, No. 3 in E major (by Frédéric Chopin)  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/37hZpnrkuQch9lSnE7OF3V
> 
> If you want the link for the entire playlist on Spotify, inbox me and I'll send it to you!

Therese woke up feeling Carol’s hand glide softly over her left side, her lips brushing gently over the nape of her neck. She wasn’t aware of having fallen asleep at all but there she was now, opening her eyes, her body, to the sweet sensation of Carol’s touch. Lying cuddled against Carol’s lap she attempted to turn around and face her lover. “Uh-uh…” Carol murmured as a warning to remain just the way she were, her back against the loveliness pouring over her.  
  
Carol slipped her other hand between the mattress and the right side of Therese’s body finally getting a tighter grip of her. She pulled Therese closer grinding her waist on her buttocks in slow circular motions. Eyes fluttering of instant desire, Therese let out an unabashed groan as she pressed herself against Carol inviting her to go on, to bring it on. She felt Carol’s palm cupping her breast and her fingers sliding between her thighs rendering her absolutely breathless and berserk as if Carol were some erotic Hindu goddess with multiple arms ready to pleasure her with all of them at the same time.

* * *

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you up but I just couldn’t help myself.” Carol smiled at her not at all apologetically. “Mm… what a way to wake up”, Therese murmured stretching her arms contentedly. “I could get used to this.” She propped herself up on her right elbow and let her sight linger adoringly on Carol. “How come you’re up already? Or did we sleep at all?” Carol grinned at her. “Not really. Maybe an hour or so.”  _And still she manages to look absolutely gorgeous_ , Therese thought.  
  
“I made us some breakfast,” she said lifting a tray on Therese’s lap. “I could  _certainly_  get used to this”, Therese repeated beaming at her. “You should,” Carol acknowledged kissing her earlobe in passing. “Want some coffee?” she offered picking up a steaming pot waiting beside the bed. “Yes, please,” Therese replied focusing her attention on the generous opening of Carol's robe. She wanted desperately to untie its loose belt and push her hands inside... but it would have to wait till the tray and the coffee pot would no longer be on their way.

* * *

“This is such a cliché”, she said to Carol while sharing a cigarette. “What is?” Therese chuckled. “Smoking after sex. Or should I say after making love instead?” Carol was visibly amused. "Darling, what just happened was definitely sex." Her smile was easy and warm. "I think sex is about fulfilling an instant need, and mine just happens to be you, naked and breathless on pretty much any surface I can think of." Therese felt very hot all of a sudden. 

"Making love is more about taking time and focusing on the shared pleasure, on the giving and the receiving it." Carol took a drag from the cigarette. "But I'm by no means putting one before the other, and sometimes it's even hard to tell them apart." Gently, she wrapped her arms around Therese. "I love making love to you, Therese, as much as I love having my way with you... and please take notice I'm not using the f word here. At least not yet." Panting, Therese closed her eyes for a second. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" Feigning innocence, Carol looked at her. "Really, Miss Belivet, whatever do you mean?"

Carol threw away what was left of the cigarette. “I really ought to kick this habit altogether, especially now that I’m singing professionally again.” She turned to Therese and took a moment before continuing. “Those guys I met yesterday after the gig… they want me to go on a promotional tour.” Therese was very serious all of sudden. “When? Where?” Carol ran her hand through Therese’s hair. “West. Soon.” She looked closely at Therese. “I want you to go with me… do  _you_  want to go with me?” The gray eyes were almost begging. “Yes.” Therese’s dimples reappeared. “Yes – yes – yes!” she replied drowning her in kisses.

* * *

Wrapped in each other they dozed off for a while. The sleep came easily enveloping Therese in a dream where she stood by a concert piano not unlike Carol’s Fazioli…

“Fuck!” she exclaimed bouncing up from her side of the bed yanking Carol out of her slumber as well. “Fuck!” Not believing her ears, Carol opened her eyes drowsily. “What on earth’s the matter?” Panicking, Therese got up trying to find her phone. “What time is it???” She tried to breath evenly. “I’ve forgotten the bloody recital!” Slowly, Carol got up. “What recital? What are you talking about?”  _I never did give her the invitation._  
  
“My music school’s recital where I’m supposed to perform today…” Carol looked alarmed. “And _now_ you tell me… after I’ve kept you up all night.” She picked up her phone from the night stand. “It’s 11. What time does your recital start?” Therese was hyperventilating. “At noon, and it’s on the other side of the city. I’ll never make it…” Carol made a calming gesture with her hand. “We’ll make it, don’t worry. We’ll take my car and be there in no time. It’s not like we’re going to get gridlocked on a Sunday afternoon.” Bewildered, Therese nodded still not sure if she was as convinced as Carol. “Hop in the shower, we’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.”  
  
Fifteen minutes later they were sitting in Carol’s Mercedes. “Are you sure you’re not supposed to be doing something else? Seeing Rindy?” Therese worried out loud. “Cut it out, will you? There’s no place I’d rather be than here right now with you.” She smiled reassuringly at Therese. “Although I do wish you’d told me about this earlier. I’m starting to feel a bit guilty for being so insatiable…” Therese glanced at her sharply. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you ever apologize for something I simply can’t live without.” Her eyes were full of love. Carol let go off the gear lever and took her hand in hers. She looked ridiculously happy.  
  
When they finally made it to the concert hall, it was ten to twelve. Leafing through the recital program, Therese let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god, I’m second to last.”  
  
Gen and Alex were already there. “Hi there,” Gen hollered when she spotted them entering the auditorium. “Don’t you look… exhausted,” she snickered, “and wearing yesterday’s clothes…” Therese sneered at her while Carol acquiesced to smile. “Aren’t you being funny so early in the morning…” Therese retorted. “Actually, it’s not that early, if you come to think of it…” Gen grinned in return.  
  
“So glad you could make it. And you too,” Gen added to Carol. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” Carol replied her eyes never leaving Therese. And then, before really thinking it through, she pulled Therese close and kissed her on the lips not caring if anyone paid attention to it or not. If Therese wouldn’t mind, she wouldn’t mind being open about her feelings either, it was the 21st century, after all. “Break a leg, darling…”  
  
Blushing, Therese gave Carol her loveliest smile. “Carol… the piece I’m going to play – it’s for you, I picked it because of you.” Then she was gone, heading towards the green room with Gen dragging her cello along as if it were a beached baby whale.  
  
“You guys care for a bite to eat after this? A late lunch?” Gen asked. “Well, I’m not sure if we’re ready…” Therese started. “…to leave the bedroom just yet?” Gen interrupted in her playful yet sweet manner. “I totally understand. So happy for you guys.” She was beaming.  

* * *

Therese sat on a sofa waiting for her turn for a long time, an excruciatingly long some might say, but right now she didn’t really mind it at all. Gen was busy tuning her instrument since her turn was coming up soon.  
  
Therese thought about the kiss a moment ago. How very happy it had made her, how surprising it had been – Carol being so open about her their newfound intimacy.  _What a difference a day makes_ , she sighed, smiling to herself.  
  
She thought about the upcoming tour Carol had mentioned and it made her giddy with joy. Traveling with Carol was her idea of heaven, and even though she knew they would most likely fly to the west coast, for some reason she saw them in Carol’s car instead driving leisurely towards the sunset, stopping in little inns, having the most jocund time ever.

* * *

Therese got up. Her turn was next and she could feel the excitement building, taking hold of her. Maybe she should have played a bit this morning but now it was too late anyway, and she wouldn’t have wanted to spoil the surprise by practicing at Carol’s.  
  
Therese stepped onto the stage where a grand piano waited for her. She let her eyes wander over the expectant crowd finally focusing on Carol who sat on the fourth row next to Alex. Her smile was encouraging and proud.   
  
She didn’t have her sheet music with her for she already knew the piece by heart – _Étude Op. 10, No. 3 in E major_ , nicknamed “Tristesse”, Sadness, by Frédéric Chopin. She also knew Carol would recognize it the moment she started to play since it was also very well known as a vocal arrangement, the 1950 hit  _No Other Love_ by Jo Stafford. It was the song Carol had sung the night Abby had interfered with their growing intimacy.

Therese stared silently at the keys for a long time concentrating, watching her own fingers settling over them – fingers which had known so much pleasure over the past ten hours.  
  
And then she let them pick up their speed, pensively at first –  _vivace ma non troppo_  – finding the haunting, cantabile melody in its lingering yet deceptive simplicity. The tips of her fingers fell on the keys with a grace and precision she only now truly mastered. 

Therese imagined touching the piano as she had caressed Carol all through the night, slowly building up the main theme with one hand and accompanying it with oscillating tones with another. She thought of the crescendo as the urgency she had come to know, the diminuendo as the quiet taking of time.  
  
Her whole body following the movements of the piece’s poetic character, at times nearly convulsing along its sultry contours, she lifted up the fragrance of the overwhelmingly romantic sound, dwelling in the languid moments for just the right amount of time.   
  
Moving on to the middle section,  _poco più animato,_ to its rhythmic shifts and sudden harmonic turns, her fingers rained down on the keys like a hail of flaming arrows seeking climax in the exquisite sound impressions she understood perfectly. After the heaven, the sweet, swelling hell of wanting, needing and possessing.

By the time Therese reached the end, the restatement of the original melody, of all the love and tenderness it entailed, she was utterly exhausted, spent by the devastating emotion. She waited until the last echo of music evaporated, left her small frame before bowing her head down in quiet reverence.

The stunned silence her performance left at its wake seemed to last forever. Then, as if remembering the time and place, the mundane limits of their existence, the audience broke into a thunderous applause. Flushed, Therese greeted the standing ovation she was granted. But she herself saw only the one who meant the most – Carol standing in front of her seat her remarkable eyes glistening with tears.

Relieved and happy, Therese wanted to go to her but was kept away by her teachers, fellow students, Professor Robichek congratulating, fussing endlessly over her. Searching desperately, she lost the sight of Carol.

When Therese finally got rid of the overtly enthusiastic crowd, she ran to the exit to look for her. Losing hope, she turned around – only to gaze into the gray eyes she'd come to adore. "Carol... I thought I missed you." She was out of breath, her eyes tearing up. “Never,” Carol said taking her hands and kissing her worn out fingers delicately. "Don't you know I love you?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a magnificent ride this has been for me... I've loved every minute of it and I've especially loved the enthusiasm you've shown. Really, guys, you're the best <3 If you're ever in my neck of the woods, I'll be sure to mix you a dry martini - or a sidecar! [they're famous or at least they oughta be :)]
> 
> You've made my day so many a morning I say kudos to each and every one of you! And one thing I've also learned from this experience is to comment, drop at least a few lines to my favourite writers - and there are many - since it means so ridiculously much...
> 
> One of the first ideas for this fic I stuck with was the Chopin Étude so I'm thrilled to finally be able to introduce it in here. Do give Lang Lang's delicate rendition a listen, you won't regret it, it's a magnificent piece of music and so relevant to all of us who've seen the movie and heard the Jo Stafford version.
> 
> THANK YOU and until next time... <3


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